Monday, October 19, 2009

To Breed or Not to Breed

Deciding on whether or not to have a child is difficult for my husband and I. For some people, it is an easy decision. These are the types of people who react to babies the way I react to dogs: "Oh, he's so cute! Look at his wittle face; I could just eat it up! I think he smiled at me. He did! He did! He TOTALLY smiled at me!"

I have never wanted children. I babysat from the age of eleven to seventeen. This gave me two things: enough money to pay for the first year of college, and a great interest in effective birth control methods. To me, having kids didn't make sense. Why on earth would someone ruin their body and be freaking miserable for nine months to pop out a squalling, demanding, expensive, freedom-killing, crap-tastic being that you cant even begin to train for a good twelve months?

However, I have been hearing the tickings of a very disturbing clock lately. As soon as these curious longings developed, I did what any sane woman would do: tried to scare the crap out of myself by reading labor and delivery horror stories. This worked for awhile, but I still was feeling...weird. In an attempt to test my feelings, my best friend and I drove on down to Babies R Expensive and wandered the aisles. Now, that place is SCARY. It is full of waddling pregnant women and men with glazed looks on their faces. When I came out of there still thinking about it, I knew something was seriously wrong.

I told my husband that I was going crazy and begged him to help me. He told me that we can't have a kid right now, which simultaneously relieved me and pissed me off.

What's the verdict? We are going to pray about it for six months and see where we are then. I don't know which side of me to root for: the very sensible "You can't go to Greece with a crap-machine" side, or the newly awakened "Look at the BAY-BEE" side. I will keep you posted.

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