Thursday, October 29, 2009

Oh, What a Weekend It Will Be...

I have three, count them, THREE exams in the next five days. One on Saturday morning, that I am so not looking forward to, one on Monday, and yet another on Tuesday. Looks like my husband and I will not be eating home-cooked meals this weekend after all. Sorry, honey.

'N' is For Nursery....

Since we're here, let's rummage a little deeper into the crazy trunk, shall we? Below is the nursery I have been thinking of in my head for the past few weeks. Is it just me, or does it kind of look like a circus threw up in there? Don't matter. I still love it.

- Crib, Rugs, Rocking Moose, Table and Chairs: IKEA
- Light Fixture: Anthropologie
- Book Rack, Hippo and Giraffe: Pottery Barn Kids
- Blue Tub: Land of Nod
- Sheets and Blanket: Target
- Flag Bunting: Sweet and Light on Etsy

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Ridiculous Cuteness


I'm not wrong.

A Millionaire Birthday...

If money were no object, this is what I would ask for on my birthday:

Yes, please.

Cloth Diapering Doesn't Have to be Scary

Ok, so I have been doing a lot of research about cloth diapering lately. One of the best resources I have found is from There are waaaay bigger experts out there than me, but I would like to share what I have learned.

Pros of Cloth Diapering:
1. Cost- a child may wear in excess of 8,000 diapers by the time he or she is potty-trained. At an average of $0.20 a diaper, that equals to about $1,600 in diapers alone. Add in disposable wipes, increased purchases of anti-rash items, a diaper genie, diaper genie inserts, and (for us) increased dump fees, and it can get expensive really quickly.

I estimate that for a complete set of diapers for one child, I will need about 20 diapers. If I buy all organic, the total is $500. With organic cloth wipes, and a spray attachment for the toilet, I estimate the total cost to be about $600. Total, finito, out-the-door. And the kicker is... they are reusable. You can use them for every child you have. So, if we had 3 biscuits in disposables, the cost would be about $6,000 in poo-collectors and poo-collector accessories. If we have 3 biscuits with cloth diapers, the cost is still $600.

2. Quality of Life Issues- on average, a child in cloth diapers potty-trains much, much sooner than one in disposables. The theory behind that is that in cloth diapers, a child feels wet and uncomfy in a dirty diaper. In a disposable, all that wet feeling is whisked away by magic chemicals, and the child does not learn to associate going potty with feeling wet. Cloth-diaper kids potty train at about 18 months, whereas a disposable diaper kid potty-trains at about 40 months. So, a difference of 22 months per kid, times 3, equals 66 months or 5 and a half less years of changing diapers. I want my kids to be responsible for what they "make" as soon as possible.

Another issue that would fall under this heading is that my husband and I do not have curb-side trash pickup. (Yes, shocking for city people, I know.) Right now, my husband and I average maybe one dump run per month. Add in ten-twelve diaper changes a day, and that dump run would probably be bi-monthly, at least. Also, all those diapers would just SIT there, on our property, until we took them away. Summer heat wave, anyone?

3. Health reasons- Now, I am not a health professional as of yet, and even when I am, I will not have expertise on this issue. But just in my head, it seems like a bad idea to strap my kid's ass into a bag of chemicals 24-7. This is especially unattractive to me since they have found another fun use for the chemicals in diapers: fire retardant. I just don't feel comfortable with the fact that if the house burned down, the only things that would survive would be the items I place closest to my kid's most sensitive areas.

Supposed Cons:
1. Too much water use- I am sure that our water use will increase substantially when we have kids. This is a given. But I also think that it is slightly silly to say that the water you use to wash the diapers, between the toilet sprayer and the washer, is more than that which is used to make the disposable diapers. That would actually be an awesome study... (calling all researchers!)

Hypothetically, even if the total water usage does increase when using cloth diapers, you WILL NOT convince me that using disposables is better for the environment overall. Let's take stock, shall we? Plastics, chemicals, etc pulled from the environment and synthesized, fossil fuels used to transport raw materials, then manufactured into a product using machinery and producing pollution, more fossil fuels to transport, fossil fuels to pick up, fossil fuels to take to dump, where it sits in a landfill for up to 500 years.

Yes, I imagine that the manufacturing of cloth diapers is similar, in some ways. But there are far less chemicals, especially if you buy organic. And poo belongs in septic tanks and sewers, not in landfills. Which brings me to my next "con":

2. Dealing with poo is worse in a cloth diaper- Poo is nas-tay in any diaper. You have to wipe the poo off the bum no matter which kind of diaper you go with. And then, you have to dispose of the diaper and the poo somehow. So, with a disposable, you have to wrap it all up and stick it in a diaper genie. I get how that is attractive. With a cloth diaper, you have to rinse it off with a toilet sprayer, flush the poo, and then throw the diaper in a "wet bag" or pail of some kind. Then wash, dry, re-use.

3. Cloth diapers are difficult to put on: They don't have to be. Check these bad boys out: If you can use a regular diaper, you can use these.

I am excited to bake a biscuit someday, and I want to make sure I do everything possible to have them grow up happy and healthy. I think cloth diapers will be a part of that. Ofcourse, cloth diapering would be much more glamorous with a set of these:

THE Stroller...

Meet Bob. Bob is light. Bob is simple. Bob is functional. Bob is the bomb. Bob is a tad expensive, but I want him anyways. Why am I talking about a stroller? Well, in her post, "How to Infect Your Husband," Jill from says that the best way to get your husband excited about child-bearing is to show him the neat-o gadgets that he will get to play with when the kid arrives. Kinda like how women get excited when they look at all the little shoes and hats and shit they hope to stuff their offspring into.

Without further ado, heeeeeere's Bobby:

Not only is this stroller spiffy-looking, but it is an all-in-one model. (Read: You only need the ONE stroller, people!) It has an adaptor bar that allows you to use this stroller with or without a baby seat. It has a swiveling front wheel that can also be locked in place for walking, jogging or hiking. The hefty rubber wheels allow you to navigate a woodsy trail, a sandy beach or in our case, the driveway. Yet, the wheels are small enough to not be cumbersome in the grocery store.
It has an optional cupholder, rain-guard, (no, A, you may NOT take the biscuit deer hunting,) and fleece insert.

In a word: bitchin'.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Eh, Yeah. So I Lied.

Well, apparently the baby-mania hasn't subsided... I'm just not panicked about the idea anymore. I guess that is why it felt so weird and crazy before... I had never wanted kids before. But maybe this is how all "normal" women feel all the time? Who knows? I've never claimed to be normal or understand normal people in the slightest.

As of today, I have a complete baby registry, (NOT under my real name, mind you) on I am fully aware that is crazy, and I simply don't care. So nyah.

Before Thanksgiving...

If you cannot tell by now, I have a penchant for lists. I like them. They are nifty. They help me think that I am somewhat organized, even if I never check anything off.

To-Do before Thanksgiving:

1. Buy new dining chairs, so that Thanksgiving is not a tragic, tragic event.
2. CHOOSE and install a new pendant light in the dining room.
3. Caulk kitchen trim.
4. Paint kitchen trim.
5. Clean off the patio.
6. Sew fabric onto my dining room curtains, and make them longer.
7. Get the big mirror from Jamie and make it a big chalkboard.

Signs and Symptoms of Baby Mania:

1. You have to talk yourself out of stopping at any and every major retailer just to oogle baby accessories.

2. You mentally crawl around your house at eye level to see where the dangers are.

3. You overanalyze your husband's expression during any show or commercial where there is a baby present.

4. You start having nightmares about dropping random babies, or falling down a flight of stairs while holding one.

Finally Recovered...

I am pleased to announce that I have finally recovered from eating the lentil soup, (the recipe for which I posted last week.) I have since been calling it, "the lentil soup from Hades," or "the soup of death." My husband has been calling it yummy, and has been eating large helpings with gusto.

I, however, think that the soup hates me, and the feeling is mutual.

Getting Shiznat in Order:

A list of things to do before having children:

1. Have the lids of the septic tank lowered below ground level, so our children do not die a shitty death. (Literally.)
2. Have the sprinkler system installed/fixed.
3. Grow a lawn.
4. Get the siding fixed.
5. Caulk and paint all remaining interior trim.
6. Tile a backsplash in the master bedroom.
7. Figure out a backsplash in the kitchen.
8. Seal the granite.
9. Extend the fence around to the front of the house, so the doogies can have access to both doors, (and the future nursery's window.)
10. Clean out the garage.
11. Buy a pistol. (For me, not the baby.)
12. Install a dining room light.
13. Buy a gun safe of some kind.
14. Get a 'real' job.
15. Have 3-6 months expenses in the bank.
16. Wait for someone else in my family to have one.

Monday, October 26, 2009


I'm a self-proclaimed NaNoWriMo loser. What is NaNoWriMo, you ask? Well, it is the organization that promotes and celebrates National Novel Writing Month. It is a challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. Madness and fun!

I have participated for three years, and have not written a novel yet. I am thinking that this just might be my year. After all, how hard could it be? I am fully prepared to write unmitigated crap. But it will be 50,000 words of my unmitigated crap, you see. And that is worth shooting for.

Aack! Christmas is Coming!

I just realized that I finish school about a week and a half before Christmas. There is no way I can do my Christmas shopping in a week and a half. Also, has anyone else realized how out of control expensive this holiday has been getting lately? I used to love Christmas shopping, back when I had only my immediate family to shop for. Four people, plus some friends.... that was fun. Then, I got married, and added TWELVE adults, ELEVEN children, and THREE family gifts to the list. WHAM! In this total group, there are also SIX birthdays from October to December. (Oh, and did I mention that my husband doesnt like to shop?)

Is there any polite way to tell people, "We aren't buying you a gift this year, because we only see you on this one holiday, and we have no clue what to get you and it is too expensive even if we did?" Seriously.... how is this fun for anyone?

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me...

I am pleased to announce that I am no longer feeling manic about babies. I have realized that, although I want kids someday, I am so not ready for them at the moment. I am ready for my husband and I to start making our lives ready for them in the future, but I'm not going off the birth-control anytime soon.

However, since I spent the last month browsing baby websites, Google thinks that I constantly want to see ads in my margins from stores that sell baby-accessories. And for some reason, YouTube is suggesting breast-feeding videos to me. Not to mention, Amazon's customized offerings for me now include a $500 stroller. (Which, I am TOTALLY getting someday! It's a three-in-one model. One stroller from birth to walking= awesome.) I guess that I have brought this on myself, but it is a little disconcerting to know that the marketing powers that be are watching me so closely.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

These Are My Confessions....

(Cue the Usher music.)

Today, I did a lot of productive things. I filed, organized, typed away... However, I also cruised LandofNod, PotteryBarnKids and Target, thinking about what I would choose if I had a biscuit in the oven. My sister-in-law will have a wee croissant, my sister will probably bake a tartlet.... I, however, think that the term 'biscuit' more appropriately describes what my husband and I would make. It's a sturdier term, implying stocky limbs, flannel and firearms. Yes, our child would most definitely be a biscuit.

Since it would be absolutely scandalous and more than a tad crazy to start a registry before conception, I am just going to post a few of my future must-haves here:

The All Creatures Great and Small Crib Quilt, from Land of Nod:

Holy cuteness, batman. Look at the little faces! I love this bedding for several reasons: one, it is gender-nuetral. Since I don't want to find out what gender the biscuit is until it is born, (which may be three years from now,) gender-neutrality is key. Also, I want to reuse the bedding for other kids we may have. Second, the title of the bedding is one of my favorite hymns, which is randomly cool. Thirdly, check it out! There are TWO, count them TWO dogs on this bedding. Now, some people may point out that there appear to be two cats on this bedding as well. But no. No, those people are wrong. You can plainly see that only ONE is a housecat. The other one is clearly a cougar or a lioness or an albino panther of some kind. Dont rain on my parade.

Flat-panel baby monitor, from Land of Nod:

This next item feeds my paranoid, over-protective side. But isn't it just bitchin'? I mean, not only can you see if your kid is sleeping versus choking, but you can use it later on to spy on them. I can see it now:

"But Mom, how did you know I was writing on the wall with my pee?"

"Mommy knows. Mommy always knows."

(I hope it goes without saying that in the above scenario, the biscuit is a boy.)

Plush hippo and giraffe from PotteryBarnKids:

Don't say they aren't cute, because then we will all know what a big, terrible liar you really are.

Enough with the madness. I have shiznat to do.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Attention Coworkers!

Please stop bringing cute babies into the office. I'm trying to pray it out and be objective, but it does not help when you tote your freaking cute niece/nephew/son into the building for me to oogle. On the same note, please feel free to bring in your screaming children. That does help.

Thank you.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The 'Yo' Game

A long time ago, my sister and I noticed how some sentences would be made hilarious or terrible with the word 'yo' at the end. We sometimes play this game when we are together, which probably makes our sister-in-law think we are nuts. Without further ado, here are some sentences that should never end in 'yo':

5. Would you like some more tea, yo?
4. Sorry to hear about your grandpa, yo.
3. It should clear up in four to six weeks, yo.
2. I have a Master's in Business, yo.
1. I'm sorry to tell you that your cancer is malignant, yo.

My Tips on Picking a Good Man

Today, my favorite person is checking the brakes on my car, airing my tires, and picking up toilet paper and dog food, because we are out of both. He's neat like that.

I do not credit myself with the fact that my husband fell in love with me, it was totally a God-thing. That being said, here are my questions to ask when picking a husband. This is not a comprehensive list by any means, just the 'biggies' in my book.

1. If you are a Christian, or play one on TV: Does he love God? If he doesn't, he's out. And notice the question was not: does he go to church? There are lots of non-Jesus-lovers in church. But does he LOVE God? Your dude should love Jesus more than he loves you, and chat with Him daily. You should be able to see this guy leading a Godly house, which includes encouraging you to spend more time with God, and pointing you and any offspring in the right direction repeatedly, in love. Spouses are supposed to help each other be stronger in their faith.

2. Does he take responsibility for his mistakes, and apologize? If your guy can't ever admit he was wrong, stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect a diamond ring. If he is always blaming his boss, the government, his family or you as the root of his dumb or rude actions, that is a bad thing. His boss being an a-hole is not an excuse for him to act like one. Is he willing to apologize when he does something stupid in your relationship? Or does he point out all the stupid things you do, as an excuse? There is nothing more disgusting than a grown man (or woman, for that matter) who is unable to take responsibility for their own actions.

3. Does he love you more than he loves himself? My mom always said a marriage was good when both people in it think that they are the one that got the better deal. Does he cherish you? Does he like being with you? Does he think your inability to cook is cute, your tone-deafness is endearing? Does he let you be you and love it? Are you comfortable being you around this person? This comfortable is not the, "leave the door open when you pee" comfortable. I'm talking about being you, in all your wacky glory.

4. Does he have his crap together? Job, credit score, personal hygiene, lack of addictions, mature relationships with other family members, a strong sense of self, other interests, independence, honesty, generosity, chivalry, sense of humor?

This is by no means the end of the list. Your spouse is the only family you get to choose. Be careful, and pray, pray, pray about it.

Time Keeps on Slipping...

If you have children, you can mark time easily and on a regular basis with their milestones. First steps, first birthday, first tooth. (I very well may have that out of order; I have no idea.) But if you are a late twenty-something with no children, how do you mark time? With career? With relationships? There is no concrete definition. And that always begs the question: what have you been DOING these past (insert number here) years? If you have a kid, there is proof: you made something. But for a person with no kids? It's almost like you have to justify your existence when someone asks: "What have you been up to?"

So, let's start with career. Hardy, har, har. I have no career, as of yet. I am a glorified secretary, and can state with confidence that even though my job required a Bachelor's degree, I could have done this job in high school. Actually, I am pretty sure this WAS my job in high school. Answering phones? Filing? Transcription? Dealing with crazy people? Yup, yup, yup.

My degree? Yes, I love English. I think grammar is neat. But a money-maker it is not. I am currently in the throes of completing pre-reqs for a degree that might make me a little more moolah and offer a better schedule: Nursing. Oh, and before all of you rabid crazies out there verbally flagellate me for even mentioning income and the Nursing profession in the same breath: "Nursing is a calling, yada, yada, yada..." Save it. If I were injured, I would rather be treated by a Nurse who was competent and great at her job and who forgot about me the second she walked out the door than by a "called" Nurse who was shitty at her job. The point is, it looks like I will have to wait about two years before I am finished with school. Again.

Moving on: Relationships. My husband is super, and we've been married for over five years, which incidentally is the amount of time it takes for people to stop asking you when you are going to have kids, because they assume you must be barren.

House? Own one. Like it a lot. Still haven't painted the baseboards.

Personality: Well, apparently I am massively self-centered, because I am writing a blog that no one will ever read, and it is all about me. I am also snarky, sarcastic, sensitive and like a bull in a china shop when it comes to saying the wrong things.

God: Have One. Love Him. Cant wait to figure out what He wants me to do with my life; cant wait to meet Him in person someday. (Hopefully the former happens first.)

Monday, October 19, 2009

To Breed or Not to Breed

Deciding on whether or not to have a child is difficult for my husband and I. For some people, it is an easy decision. These are the types of people who react to babies the way I react to dogs: "Oh, he's so cute! Look at his wittle face; I could just eat it up! I think he smiled at me. He did! He did! He TOTALLY smiled at me!"

I have never wanted children. I babysat from the age of eleven to seventeen. This gave me two things: enough money to pay for the first year of college, and a great interest in effective birth control methods. To me, having kids didn't make sense. Why on earth would someone ruin their body and be freaking miserable for nine months to pop out a squalling, demanding, expensive, freedom-killing, crap-tastic being that you cant even begin to train for a good twelve months?

However, I have been hearing the tickings of a very disturbing clock lately. As soon as these curious longings developed, I did what any sane woman would do: tried to scare the crap out of myself by reading labor and delivery horror stories. This worked for awhile, but I still was feeling...weird. In an attempt to test my feelings, my best friend and I drove on down to Babies R Expensive and wandered the aisles. Now, that place is SCARY. It is full of waddling pregnant women and men with glazed looks on their faces. When I came out of there still thinking about it, I knew something was seriously wrong.

I told my husband that I was going crazy and begged him to help me. He told me that we can't have a kid right now, which simultaneously relieved me and pissed me off.

What's the verdict? We are going to pray about it for six months and see where we are then. I don't know which side of me to root for: the very sensible "You can't go to Greece with a crap-machine" side, or the newly awakened "Look at the BAY-BEE" side. I will keep you posted.

Like You Care....

One of my goals for this next year is to lose weight in a healthy manner. (Me and everyone else, I know.) I have done the South Beach Diet in the past, and it worked really well for me. I not only lost weight, but I felt so GOOD. Almost annoyingly good. Like cheerful and perky and shit. I will be on phase one of the South Beach Diet for the first couple weeks. Here I go:

My menu for the week:

Tuesday: Sausage Lentil Soup, adapted from this recipe on AllRecipes
Wednesday: Tuscan Baked Eggs, from Kalyn's Kitchen
Thursday: Slow Cooker Tri-tip, my own recipe
Friday: Out to Dinner, (Chipotle chicken burrito bowl, no rice.)
Saturday Dinner: Tri-tip salad
Sunday Lunch: Taco salad
Sunday Dinner: Split pea soup, my own recipe

Every meal except the salads will be served with large amounts of steamed veggies, cause that's how I roll.

My Very First...

I do not expect anyone to read this blog, ever. However, if you have stumbled here on accident, welcome! I hope you are amused by something I write. I will be posting about things that are happening in my life. I am in my late-ish twenties, and have a lot on my mind... enjoy!