Friday, July 20, 2012

The Two Week Wait

The "two-week wait" is the most excruciating time in human existence, I think. If you test too early, you get a negative test, but you know that it might be too early for an accurate result, so you still hope.

Then, as the days go by, and you are closer and closer to the day that your period is supposed to start, you keep testing negative, and start googling things like, "Anyone have a bfn on 14 dpo that turned into a bfp?" (If you don't know what that means, you haven't been reading community boards on trying to conceive.)

It is even more difficult if your period is a few days late. You start to feel crazy and manic. You are petrified that your period is coming. You go to the bathroom to wipe and check even when you don't have to pee. You google for reassurance, for hope. You cling to words on community boards that say, "You aren't out until AF shows up."

You get your hopes up. 

And then it ends. 
And you cry.
And you get angry that your period was late at all.
It feels like a cruel joke.
Of course you aren't pregnant. 
Of course. 
How could you ever think you were?
You beat yourself up, and call yourself an idiot for hoping.
Then you pick yourself up and say, "maybe next month."

But in the back of your mind is the wondering of how long this will take. How many months can you do this? What if it never happens at all?

One more week until I can take a test. Period is due on the 28th.

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