The Dog Days are NOT Over

You know the song, "Dog Days are Over," by Florence and the Machine? I used to love that song, but now I think that bitch is just lying to me.

I want to have a kid. I want to leave my job behind, and be a stay at home mom. I feel ready. I have wanted kids for about two years now, pretty much straight. (You know that you have wanted kids for a long time when your baby registry under a fake name expires.) But... nope. I am so frustrated with everything. With work, with wanting kids but things not being ready... with everything. I cry or fight back tears on most days, unless I can get myself to that wonderful numb place for a day or two. And the people closest to me are sick of hearing me bitch, I'm sure.

Every month, if we do the "deed" anywhere near my ovulation time, I am obsessed with imaginary symptoms. Seriously... fun game: type any random symptom into Google, and it will come up with some poor woman wanting to know if it is an early sign of pregnancy. Cold feet, hot feet, fever, chills, bloating, weight loss, insomnia, tiredness, headaches, aversion to old fish.... anything can be a sign of pregnancy if you are hopeful enough.

And every time I'm not pregnant, I feel like an IDIOT for hoping. Seriously, I am starting to become cynical, something I never, ever was before. I'm starting to believe that hoping for something? Anything? Is stupid. Because there is nothing wonderful around the corner. Life is trudging, marching, struggling. Doing what you have to do. And having optimism is the most painful weebles-wobble way of existence. My hopes are pushed, pushed, pushed down, and somehow, when I am not paying attention to them, they spring back up without my permission, just to open themselves up for more ridicule, more pain. It's bullshit.

My best friend keeps telling me to get out of my job, because God can't want me to be so miserable. She keeps telling me to just get pregnant. She wants the best for me. My husband loves me very much, but isn't quite ready to try for a baby. I don't want to pressure him, but I will admit that I don't quite understand. But he would be the sole provider if we have kids, and he is the head of our household, so I have to do my best to respect his feelings and not push. Then, I have a good friend who I am afraid I will lose if I ever get pregnant, because she is struggling with infertility. She and I have been talking about starting a business, but I am scared to get into a joint venture with someone who might hate me for awhile if I got pregnant.

I calculate the time in my head... if I got pregnant in August, I could quit in March or April. If we wait till October to get pregnant, I can't be home full time until May or June. OH! AND... I'm not an idiot.... only magic people get pregnant their first month trying. With my "luck"? It will take another fucking two years, (no pun intended). Unless I'm already barren. Which is a possibility.

By the way, I never was sensitive about my age at all. In a few months, I turn 29. Staring down the barrel at 30. If my brother in law brings up the fact that I am a couple years older than his brand-new baby mama again, I am going to punch him in the face. As it is, I just threw my paper-clip holder at the wall, at work.

It made me feel a little bit better, but not much.

Ergo Carriers on Sale

Ergo carriers for about 50% off. Here, but only today. Snag one, cause I'm not allowed to.

Frugal or Crazy?

In this whole "will-we, wont-we" baby discussion phase that Hot Husband and I are currently in, I have made a list of items that I would like if we have a kid. Every one of these items has been thoroughly researched, and I am confident in the choices I have made. So, when I saw one of these items on Craigslist, and when I saw that it was brand new, and half-price... I bought it.

Now, in addition to the "maybe baby" discussion, we have added a "crazy versus smart-planning" debate. HH is convinced I'm a nut, but I think there is very little wrong with buying something, (at half price!) that you most likely will need someday. In response, HH likes to remind me of that one time when I bought a kitchen sink off Craigslist because I was excited about us talking about maybe building a house.

He might have a point there, but I still think that the baby purchase was a good one. However, since I am such a good, submissive wife, (HA!) I have agreed to not purchase any more items for nonexistent babies. Which is a lot harder than it sounds, cause I just found a killer deal on an Ergo carrier online...

Etsy Crush...

I am loving these prints and originals from Etsy artist Nina Moscrip. The colors are incredible, and the drawing style is so intriguing to me. Her prices are great, too. The top one is coming to live with me, because that is the color scheme of my redecorating project. Check them out here.

A Dream Weekend

A few years ago, my husband and I had the opportunity to stay at the Ritz Carlton, Half Moon Bay. We had no idea what we were in for. I had heard that it was nice, and was expecting something like the Hilton. The Ritz Carlton makes the Hilton look like a Motel 6. My friend and I spent the afternoon with glasses of wine, reading books in Adirondack chairs that overlooked the ocean, while the boys played a round of golf. At night, the fire pits were lit. The food was incredible, the spa was amazing, and the garlic fries in the golf clubhouse were a bit too yummy. I would really, really like to go back.

This is the kind of thing I think about when wondering whether or not to have kids. If we didn't have kids, we could go to the Ritz Carlton a lot more often. I wouldn't have to give up my reading habit. We could travel, be financially secure a LOT earlier... there really is a trade-off, and I will admit that sometimes having children does not seem worth it.

Spring Shoes

Un-manicured toes need not apply. From JCrew.

Today I Love: EmersonMade

The beautiful handmade flower above is from EmersonMade. I've been stalking their blog for quite some time now. Their lovelies never fail to amaze me.

Have YOU Met Miss Jones?

The Australian company Have You Met Miss Jones has incredible decorative pieces for the home. Some of their items are whimsical and baby-shower worthy, (hello, mr. owl!), but some are breathtaking works of art. Aren't those wings lovely?

Spotted: Custom IKEA Slipcovers

The incredibly talented Dana from the blog DanaMadeIt whipped up these oil-cloth slipcovers for her IKEA Henriksdal counter stools. I love this idea so much, I literally squealed a little when I saw them. Aren't they gorgeous?!

This idea helps me get past the last hurdle of buying my new dining room chairs. My husband has been objecting that the white slipcovers that come with the chairs will not hold up to daily use, especially once we have kids. But Dana saved the day! With her idea, I can have as many slipcovers as I can sew, including an oil-cloth set for everyday. (Read: waterproof and damp-rag-wipe-able.) Totally kid-friendly. Go over to Dana's blog to check it out!

I'm Intrigued: VIPP Trashcan as a Diaper Pail

Hurray! My sister in law is pregnant! Besides the obvious benefit of a new bundle of joy in the family, this gives me a semi-legitimate reason to be stalking baby retailers. Now, I am no longer the crazy, wanna-be-pregnant lady. Now, I am a future aunt!

So, I was browsing Giggle the other day, and came across this beauty:

This stainless steel lovely is the Mercedes Benz of diaper pails. It's a VIPP trash can, and you may have seen it at your doctor's office. New parents have discovered that since it is stainless steel, it does not absorb the odors like plastic diaper pails can. VIPPs are made to last forever. And heck, isn't it cute? There is a downside, though. This little bugger costs about $320.

Even so, I am quite interested in seeing more reviews about this pail. So far, I have heard nothing but positive things about it. And if it really keeps smells in as well as people claim, isn't that money well-spent, especially if you can continue to use it long after baby is grown?

Final Answer...Dining Chairs

After much, much, much deliberation, I have settled on the Henriksdal chairs from IKEA for our dining room. I love the way they look, and at eighty bucks a pop, you can't beat the price. The white covers are removable and machine-washable, too. Still, I must admit that white + food makes me a tad nervous. I'm going to look into Scotch-guard techniques for these suckers.

Things That Make Me Go Oooh...

My mother had a rose garden when I was growing up. She loved the classic tea roses, and during spring and summer, she would cut flowers and bring them to friends, family and the old folks' home. The response was always the same: "These came from your garden?"

As usually happens when you are used to something: it becomes the norm, and it isn't special anymore. I never understood why people were so impressed with roses. They didn't capture my interest. Until I met David Austin's roses, that is.

His roses combine old-rose beauty and fragrance with modern roses' hardiness and repeat-flowering. Some of my favorites are, from top: Queen of Sweden, Glamis Castle, Claire Austin, and Anne Boleyn. The Anne Boleyn variety can be grown in pots, which is fabulous. I have an area on my driveway that could use some sprucing, but there is no way to dig a flower bed there. I'm thinking three Anne Boleyn's in half wine barrels would do the trick.

Hot husband: that would make an excellent Valentine's Day present.

Inspiring Kitchen

I love this kitchen, designed by Margot Austin, and photographed by Donna Griffith. First off, the lantern... I've been looking for the perfect dining room light fixture for over a year now. I think something like this would fit the bill, since I am going to be using traditional, black chairs.

And that kitchen island literally gives me butterflies in my stomach, it is so beautiful. The shape, the grey finish, those casters... yum. I have been putting off painting the legs on my kitchen island, but I think I am motivated again. I think a slightly lighter shade of grey would look good, with a lacquer finish. My "island" is currently at table-height, but some fun casters would raise it to the perfect level.

Another Gift Idea....

This is another item that I would love to find under the tree, for me. But then again, I really need an address book, so if this little lovely from PaperSource doesn't show up for Christmas, I think I can justify buying it for myself.

Book Love...

I know that these have been blogged about many, many times. But in case you have been living under a blog rock, these are the new(ish) clothbound Pengiun Classics line. They have taken several classics, and rebound them in lovely covers. I already have copies of all these books, but does that mean I cant have another? In a lovely blue or golden color?

What I Want For Christmas....

These rings are perfect. I know they are supposed to be sea anemones, but all I see are flowers Dr Suess would be proud of. And that is a good thing. A very, very good thing. I want them oh so much.

So... you know who you are. Yes, I'm talking to you, handsome. I would be super-ecstatic-excited if these showed up under the as-of-yet-non-existent Christmas tree.

Getting Pretty...Organized

My husband and I are currently working through Financial Peace University, with Dave Ramsey. If you havent heard of him, he is an uncommon-sense financial advisor. And he kicks your butt a little bit. We are both getting a lot out of the course, and it has inspired me to organize our paperwork and our monthly bills.

Which brings up another issue. I hate our "landing strip" in our home. A "landing strip" is where you routinely drop all your keys, mail, sunglasses, spare change, etc as soon as you walk in the house at the end of the day. It is currently on our kitchen counter, and I hate that I am giving up precious kitchen space for junk mail.

There is a blank piece of wall directly across from our back door, just calling out for a dresser or a bookshelf... and I'm thinking this could be our new landing strip! Since it is right next to our living room and kinda in our dining room, (we have an open floor plan,) everything would have to be functional AND pretty. I have a dresser in storage that needs paint or refinishing. It would be perfect.

And now, to accessorize: I will need one of these wire baskets from thedarlinghouse on etsy for mail dumping.

And one of these platters from CB2 for change and keys.

Although, I shudder to think what Dave Ramsey would say if he heard I was planning on buying new stuff so I could get my bills organized, to save money. He would probably tell me to sell my car.

Men and Chairs.... I Look For the Same Qualities

Our dining room chairs are a death-trap. We thought we might be hosting Thanksgiving this year, so a week or so ago I trotted on down to our local IKEA to buy some replacements. (As IKEA is the only thing in our budget at the moment.)

I couldn't bring myself to buy the chairs that I had picked out online. They just looked so.... cheap. I'll tell you what I want...(what I really, really want)... six of these:

Aren't they just lovely? I love things that are sturdy AND beautiful. (Hi honey!) These chairs look like they will be around for the next fifty years, too. Tolix has a great reputation. And, I love the fact that no matter what gets spilled on them, you can just wipe it right up. No harm, no foul.

Yes, Please....

'N' is For Nursery....

Since we're here, let's rummage a little deeper into the crazy trunk, shall we? Below is the nursery I have been thinking of in my head for the past few weeks. Is it just me, or does it kind of look like a circus threw up in there? Don't matter. I still love it.

Sources:
- Crib, Rugs, Rocking Moose, Table and Chairs: IKEA
- Light Fixture: Anthropologie
- Book Rack, Hippo and Giraffe: Pottery Barn Kids
- Blue Tub: Land of Nod
- Sheets and Blanket: Target
- Flag Bunting: Sweet and Light on Etsy