Kudos of the Day...

Goes to Tulpen at Bad Words, for being totally honest in calling three-year-olds assholes.

Because, hello? They totally are.

You can read that excellence here.

Knock That Shit Off

There is a blog that I read on a daily basis. I used to love it, but lately...not so much. This person's blog has become nothing but a bunch of whining. And the thing is... the stuff the author is whining about isn't that big of a deal.

She has beautiful children. From her admission, she has a loving husband who works hard so she can stay home with said beautiful children, in a large, lovely home with a beautiful yard. She has wonderful friends who bring soup when her or her children are sick.

There is no cancer here. No lost job with a looming foreclosure. No infertility or loss of limb or earthquake or flooding. What there is on that blog is a lot of this:
-"It's so freaking hot! I cannot stand it. We have to stay inside in the air-conditioning all day." (Well, it is summer right now. Thank the Lord you have air-conditioning.)
-"I am nauseous ALL day! And I hate my husband. Him trying to be nice to me makes me hate him more." (You are pregnant, presumably with another gorgeous child. Pregnancy makes people irritable. Deal.)
- "My son is being so naughty lately. He has taken to throwing his toys at the flat screen." (Take his toys away, maybe? Or how about some good old-fashioned discipline?)

These are made-up quotes, of course. I know the blog world is a small one, and this woman has one of the most-read "mommy" blogs on the internet. She seems to have everything going for her, by her own admission. And I know life isn't perfect, and all of us need to vent sometimes. But if she doesn't knock off the whining spree, she is going to lose a big chunk of her readers.

Starting with me.

Have You Seen It?

I know I might be a little late jumping on this fan-wagon, but internets, I have to say it: Wicked is incredible. Talented Sister and I hit NYC a few weeks back, and we had to see it. The costumes were amazing; the story was compelling; the music was enthralling! I cannot wait to see it again. It leaves San Francisco soon, but you can still catch it if you hurry. And then, Wicked goes on tour! I think I will take my niece when it gets to Fresno.

When Hope Doesn't Float

Sometimes, hope can really suck. Like, when you don't know whether to hope you are or aren't pregnant. Like when you are so ready and so, so not ready for that. All at the same time. How is that even possible, by the way? Hope also sucks when it is a selfish hope. When you know that you shouldn't be hoping at all. This is, after all, so very much not just about me and my wants. And most of all, hope sucks when you feel like an idiot for hoping at all.

I have taken two pregnancy tests. One was inconclusive, the other was negative. But I feel so odd. I wouldn't have even given it a second thought, but there is weirdness occurring. And I am usually like clockwork. I have been having these twinges. Weird, odd, bizarre twinges. My 'time' is almost here, so I keep going to the bathroom, hoping... for something. Hoping to need a tampon, or to not need a tampon. Seriously, it is like both of those desires are locked in some arm-wrestling match, where neither side will win. I feel like whatever happens, I will be disappointed.

Reading back over that, I realize that maybe it is better to feel disappointed because you need a tampon than to feel disappointed if you don't.

This Weekend: San Francisco

When tax time rolls around, it is always good to remind myself why in the hell I live in California, the land of the $18 hamburger and 10% sales tax. So, Hot Husband and I are off to San Francisco. (Do you see the reasoning? Yes, we have to pay RA-HEE-LEE high income taxes, but we also have access to that fab city.)

Staying at a five-star hotel, too. (Yes, I just gloated a tad.) BUT, we got a really good deal. Apparently, about a month ago, the people who run Travelocity got together and smoked a bowl and then set the prices for hotels in SF this weekend. So, five-star hotel, with money left over for a nice dinner and a fun show. If you are at the late showing of Beach Blanket Babylon, I will be the one giggling a bit too loudly. Because I get sloshed after a drink and a half, and there is a two-drink minimum.

Cheers!

Highlights of My Week:

- A walk with Hot Husband through a beautiful state park near our home.
- Stuffing a shredder bin FULL of files from pre-1992 at work.
- Looking forward to getting cloth samples for my living room re-do project.
- My dog laying her sweet little head on my lap.
- 55-calorie beer that doesn't suck.
- Looking forward to thrift shopping with my crazy-talented sister this weekend.
- Sunny skies with perfect temperatures.

A Trend I Cannot Get Behind...

I think that both of these tables are lovely. But the one thing they have in common is the one thing I cannot have in my house. Do you see how they are alike? They are both "lipped" tables. I love the look of this style, but my house gets too dirty. I have been known to vacuum my coffee table. No joke. When I clean, I start by sweeping all the large particles onto the ground to vacuum, then I go back for a finer dusting. These tables would totally mess up my system! They look really hard to clean. Wouldn't dust and dirt get trapped in the "tray" of the table? Perhaps these people live in cleaner houses? Or they are better housekeepers? Am I the only one whose house gets too dirty to own one of these?

Images: 1.) Phoebe Howard, via Brabourne Farm. 2) Pottery Barn Moroccan Tray Table.

Things I Love Right Now

- Pandora: a website that creates you a custom radio station, based on a song or an artist that you like. You click whether or not you like songs, and the radio station figures out what you like. It's free, with very few commercials. Love.

- My Paper-Source letterpress calendar. My sister bought me this lovely desk calendar for Christmas, and it is incredible. Each month has a new, beautiful piece of letterpress art for you to look at. I never get sick of it. Right now, it is 30% off.

Oh Mylanta...

I am so sorry, internets! I've been busy. It is nursing school application-alooza at my house right now. Applying to school sounds very simple. But... when every school has different application requirements, and you are applying to six different schools, it gets a tad complicated. I am hanging my whiteboard back in the dining room tonight, just so I can keep track of it all.

One For the Girls...

I love Valentine's Day. When I was growing up, my Mom would set out special gifts in the morning for us. We would wake up, eat breakfast, and open presents. Even when I was a single girl in college, my friends and I would make a point to go out to dinner in celebration. And we would dream of the day when we would have significant others who would make the day special for us.

This year, I am hosting a Valentine's Tea for some of the special ladies in my life. Even though I am married, something about all the pink and red makes me want to get together with the girls. Let's face it: Valentine's Day is a very girly holiday.

If you are planning on being bored this weekend because of a lack of a special someone, don't neglect all the other special someones in your life. Throw an impromptu party or go out to dinner. Valentine's Day is worth celebrating!

(Photo from Martha Stewart)

Misunderstanding of the Day

Me: "Man, it's really cold in here."
(Boss gets up to change the thermostat.)
Me: "Oh, you didn't have to do that."
Boss: "No, it is kind of chilly. Even my Peter's cold."
Me: ::blank stare, looks down::

About ten seconds later, I realized that he had really said, "Even my feet are cold."

Whoops.

Remiss...

My apologies. Hot Husband had shoulder surgery this past week, and I have been practicing my nursing skills by bringing him food and pills, changing DVD's, and covering him with blankets. This hasn't left a lot of time for chatting at the internet on my blog. I was really doing well, until I gave his shoulder an affectionate squeeze on my way out the door this morning... the WRONG shoulder. This was promptly met with, "AAAAAAH!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!" Which upset the dogs, because any yelling in our home is directed at them. I think they were confused.

Sigh.

Anyhoo, that is what I have been up to. McFatty Monday and my diet have been thrown by the wayside. I am gearing up to start again. The application periods for several local nursing programs open up soon, and I will be working on essays and trying to bamboozle people into writing recommendation letters for me. Oh, and the house. I have lots of plans for the house and yard for the coming months. Basically, life got in the way of my blogging. But I have lots stored up to share!

Things That Don't Suck...

Let's just start this conversation with me stating that I am pretty much the most skeptical person on the face of the planet when it comes to product promises. I don't believe it when the manufacturer tells me something works, because it is their job to sell it. And I don't believe it when a magazine tells me something works, because it is their job to sell advertising spaces to the manufacturers. Have you ever noticed that a magazine's recommended products often are the same ones who have paid for advertisements in that magazine? I don't think that is a coincidence.

Here are some products that actually work, for me. None of these companies are paying me to say this, and I haven't received any free products. (Though I wouldn't say no if they offered.) I luh-uh-uh-uh-uve these items, because they actually follow through on what they claim to do:

Nivea chapstick is awesome. I have two different kinds, and love them both. They make my lips soft, smooth and feel plumper. I have actually dropped fifty bucks on a lip plumper in the past that hurt like hell and didn't do nearly as much for my lips as this stuff.

Burt's Bees Cuticle Creme is absolutely incredible. I have the nastiest, most-ragged cuticles you have ever seen. They are dry, dry, dry. I got this stuff in a gift basket a couple years ago, slapped it on, and was like, "WHOA." I now have a tin at my desk, in my book bag, my purse and at the house. Apply it once or twice a day, and your nails and cuticles will look like you just got out of a salon.

Smashbox Photo Finish works. I have the oil-free formula, which is nice and light. But this stuff really does make a difference. I use it over moisturizer and under powder, and I think it makes my skin look smoother and younger. It is pretty expensive, but if you are looking for something to make your pores look smaller, this might be the ticket for you. The full-size bottle is pretty expensive, but you can get a travel size for about fifteen dollars. A little goes a long way with this stuff, too.

Happy After the Holidays!

First and foremost: so sorry that I have been gone for a few days. We had a whirlwind Christmas, seeing every side of the family that there is... like, all eight of them.

Does anyone remember the good old days when you were young and/or single, and you only had two sides of the family to visit? But once you marry a child of a divorce, who has like eighty brothers and sisters, some of which don't chat all that often.... well, the sides multiply exponentially.

And after Christmas, I got sick. I milked that for a good week: PJ's, Grey's Anatomy on DVD, Hot Husband bringing me hot tea... the whole sick bit.

But I am better now! And I am really, really, really looking forward to this year! I have goals, yo!

Holy Craptastic Decorations, Batman!

Dude.... (Well, first of all, let's clear the air. I'm from California, and therefore allowed to say, "Dude," whenever I want. I pay higher taxes just for that right, actually.)

As I was saying: Dude... it was scary in Kmart today.

Sadly, Kmart is the best my town has to offer in the way of last-minute Christmas shopping, and my lack of planning forced me to join the hordes of people rummaging through the toy aisles, hoping that maybe behind all the plastic crap in front, there were hidden, high-quality toys that we could give to our loved ones without feeling copious amounts of shame. Alas and alack, this was not the case. Behind the plastic crap was more plastic crap.

So, I gave that up and wandered.... actually no. It was more like bustling. I bustled over to the Christmas decorations and tried to find something to make my house look better. Which, is ridiculous. Cause, c'mon, it's Kmart. But they do have the Martha Stewart line of stuff that usually sucks less. But this year, I am sad to report that even Martha's label could not stop the suck-fest. Everything was ruffled, and they tried to push that light, icy-blue look HARD this year. It was that, and a light purple. Yuckity, yuck, yuck, yuck.

It looked like the sugar plum fairy's ugly older sister had copped a squat in that aisle. Massive Christmas decoration FAIL, to say the least.

LOL...

I just realized that after my last post, the GoogleAds in my sidebar are advertising adult books. Apparently the good folks at Google know what playing the skin flute is.

Aw, giggity.

I'm a Genius!

Sorry for the lapse in posting, but it was exam week, and then Hot Husband and I went away for the weekend.

I got my grades back, and you should all feel so blessed to be reading my blog, because apparently I'm brilliant! I got an A in Microbiology, an A in Physiology and a B in Organic Chemistry. Huzzah! Hooray! Haroo! (Insert your preferred celebratory outburst here.)

For Jamie...

My good friend Jamie is going to Georgetown for Nursing school this winter. Woot, woot! This means that she will be leaving all of her furniture behind her, and must rely on the local IKEA, and what can be delivered to her apartment. Her budget: $1500.

Here is the really, really cheap apartment I designed for her. The total cost is about $1200. Hope you like it, Jamie!

Sources:

IKEA- table, dining chairs, kitchen box, dishes box, two coffee tables, bookcase, dresser, side table, vase and bed. Walmart- bedding. Overstock.com- Sofa and chair.

What the World Needs Now....

Ok, love is always good, but here are some other things that I think we could use more of:

-The word 'Shazaam!' (Must be said with an exclamation point afterwards.) Try it! It's unexpectedly hilarious. I like to use it when putting dinner on the table: "Shazaam!"

-Hand-written letters.

- Saying "please," "thank-you," and "excuse me."

- Following basic traffic principles when pushing carts in the supermarket.

-Random jazz-hands. Great as a response when someone flips you off in traffic.

Random Phone Conversation

(Ring, ring.)
My hot husband: "Hello?"
Me: "Hello, sir! You have been chosen to participate in a game show called, "There's Only One Right Answer!""
MHH: "Um...ok."
Me: "Would you like to hear your question?"
MHH: "If I have to."
Me: "Your question is: What are you doing this Saturday?"
MHH: "Improving my kill to death ratio on the Playstation."
Me: "Oooh, Im sorry, sir. That was not the answer we were looking for. The correct answer was 'cleaning out the garage with my wife.'"
MHH: "Ha."
Me: "But good news! As a consolation prize, we are giving you an afternoon cleaning out the garage with your wife!"
MHH: "I bet."