ChicChickadee

Get Out Now

2011-08-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

I don't think men can really understand the phrase, "her clock is ticking." Because? They don't have clocks. They don't have to worry about the ONE DAY when you go from fertile to infertile. Like...last month was your last chance to get pregnant.

Today, I clicked on a blog. One of the articles was titled, "Infertile at 29."

I clicked the X in the upper right-hand corner as fast as I could.

The Dog Days are NOT Over

2011-08-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

You know the song, "Dog Days are Over," by Florence and the Machine? I used to love that song, but now I think that bitch is just lying to me.

I want to have a kid. I want to leave my job behind, and be a stay at home mom. I feel ready. I have wanted kids for about two years now, pretty much straight. (You know that you have wanted kids for a long time when your baby registry under a fake name expires.) But... nope. I am so frustrated with everything. With work, with wanting kids but things not being ready... with everything. I cry or fight back tears on most days, unless I can get myself to that wonderful numb place for a day or two. And the people closest to me are sick of hearing me bitch, I'm sure.

Every month, if we do the "deed" anywhere near my ovulation time, I am obsessed with imaginary symptoms. Seriously... fun game: type any random symptom into Google, and it will come up with some poor woman wanting to know if it is an early sign of pregnancy. Cold feet, hot feet, fever, chills, bloating, weight loss, insomnia, tiredness, headaches, aversion to old fish.... anything can be a sign of pregnancy if you are hopeful enough.

And every time I'm not pregnant, I feel like an IDIOT for hoping. Seriously, I am starting to become cynical, something I never, ever was before. I'm starting to believe that hoping for something? Anything? Is stupid. Because there is nothing wonderful around the corner. Life is trudging, marching, struggling. Doing what you have to do. And having optimism is the most painful weebles-wobble way of existence. My hopes are pushed, pushed, pushed down, and somehow, when I am not paying attention to them, they spring back up without my permission, just to open themselves up for more ridicule, more pain. It's bullshit.

My best friend keeps telling me to get out of my job, because God can't want me to be so miserable. She keeps telling me to just get pregnant. She wants the best for me. My husband loves me very much, but isn't quite ready to try for a baby. I don't want to pressure him, but I will admit that I don't quite understand. But he would be the sole provider if we have kids, and he is the head of our household, so I have to do my best to respect his feelings and not push. Then, I have a good friend who I am afraid I will lose if I ever get pregnant, because she is struggling with infertility. She and I have been talking about starting a business, but I am scared to get into a joint venture with someone who might hate me for awhile if I got pregnant.

I calculate the time in my head... if I got pregnant in August, I could quit in March or April. If we wait till October to get pregnant, I can't be home full time until May or June. OH! AND... I'm not an idiot.... only magic people get pregnant their first month trying. With my "luck"? It will take another fucking two years, (no pun intended). Unless I'm already barren. Which is a possibility.

By the way, I never was sensitive about my age at all. In a few months, I turn 29. Staring down the barrel at 30. If my brother in law brings up the fact that I am a couple years older than his brand-new baby mama again, I am going to punch him in the face. As it is, I just threw my paper-clip holder at the wall, at work.

It made me feel a little bit better, but not much.

There IS a Nutrisystem Food I Hate!

2011-03-09T12:43:00.000-08:00

I hate the Chocolate Raspberry Lunch Bar. It is gross. I threw it away after a few bites, and I rated it a '1' on my spreadsheet. If you are thinking about doing Nutrisystem, you have been warned!

Week 4 Done, and 12.5 Pounds Gone

2011-03-07T11:38:00.000-08:00

I think the title of this blog post says it all. 12.5 pounds gone in 4 weeks!

I weighed in this morning, and saw this new number, and it doesn't really compute in my head. I have not been at this weight for 3 years.

I don't know about you guys, but do you have weights that your body just seems to get 'stuck' at? I do. It seems like I can lose weight just fine, and then when I get to a certain number, my body revolts. Or maybe it is just a mental thing? I don't know. But so far with Nutrisystem? I have been blowing those numbers out of the water. Boom. Gone. Past it.

I think that the reason this is so encouraging and mind-boggling is that I have not been perfect. I have been pretty good. But there have been a couple meals each week that are not Nutrisystem-approved. Like pizza with ranch. Cheese. Stew with french bread.

On other diets, these normal 'blips' would send me careening off-course. But it is SO DANG EASY to get back on track with Nutrisystem. After all, life involves going out to eat and special occasions. And I am not willing to forgo every celebration. This has to be a lifestyle change that is manageable over the long-term.

And so far, I am loving this. I am going to get my second delivery in about a week, and I am still so excited about this new way of eating.

Week One Recap and Nutrisystem Food Review

2011-02-14T09:40:00.000-08:00

It hasn’t been quite a complete week, since I started Nutrisystem last Wednesday, Feb 9th. However, I want to do McFatty Mondays, so I weighed in this morning. And? So far, I have lost 5.5 pounds! Holy crap, I am excited. I stepped on the scale, waited for the numbers to blink, and then smiled. Then I got concerned that it was a fluke, and weighed myself again. Same number.

Woot-to-the-freaking-woot.

The first week went well, except for copious amounts of white wine and champagne on Friday night. Saturday was spent completely “off-plan”, except that I tried to eat really well. I had a skinny latte for breakfast, a very healthy salad for lunch, and then for dinner, I had waaay too much pizza and some chips.

But on Sunday? Right back on plan. Easy, peasy. I can already see that I am going to like that about NS. If I overindulge one night, the next morning I can pick up and get right back on.

I have been keeping a spreadsheet of what I do and do not like on NS. So far, there has not been anything that I think is gross.

My rating scale is 1-Never again!; 2- Kinda gross; 3- I would eat it again; 4- I like it, and 5- Gourmet.

(With my rating scale, ‘4’ is very good. I would be very surprised if anything got a ‘5’. A ‘5’ would be like the best thing I’ve ever tasted. A ‘4’ means something is quite good.)

The breakfast foods that I ate this week:

Cinnamon Bun Bar-4
Blueberry muffin-4
Nutriflakes-4
Banana Nut muffin-4

The lunch foods:

Three Cheese Pasta w/ Chicken-4
Cheesy Homestyle Potatoes-4
Fettucini Alfredo-4
Chicken Quesadilla-4

The dinners:

Ravioli Formaggio-4
Thick crust pizza-3
Rotini with meatballs-4
Lasagna with meat sauce-4

The desserts:

Chocolate Fudge bar-4
Carrot Cake-3
Thin mint crisp bar-4
Chocolate chip cookie-4

I think that the most surprising things for me are that I am actually enjoying the food. I mean, if this is what dieting is… um, yay. I don’t know if my standards are really low for food or what, but I expected NS food to be gross. So far, I have not run into anything that I think is disgusting in the least. I have really high standards for carrot cake, so that was a little disappointing, but the chocolate fudge bar? YUM.

I cannot wait to see what this next week brings!

A Two-minute Walk is Better than a No-Minute Walk

2011-02-11T13:51:00.001-08:00

Today I got a wild hair, and decided to go for a walk at work. Now, I have never done this before, not even when my coworker suggested that we go for a walk. (I think my response was, “Ok, maybe later.” That is my code for: “No, I don’t wanna.”)

But today I was sitting at my desk with a few minutes to spare, it was sunny outside, and I felt like stretching my legs. So I ventured around the building, and noted when I left. I got back, and felt deflated, because I had been walking for a grand total of two minutes. I had thought it would take at least five. Boo.

And then I caught myself, because, hello: a two-minute walk is better than no walk at all! Small steps add up, but attempting lots of big changes all at once usually just makes me fall on my ass and slide back down the weight-loss hill.

So today, I am proud of my two-minute walk.

The Biggest Losers are a Bunch of Cheaters

2011-02-09T10:49:00.000-08:00

I don’t want to tell anyone I am on Nutrisystem. For all that our society claims to be open-minded and accepting, I think that people still tend to be very judgmental towards individuals who choose to lose weight using some sort of system. Even WeightWatchers is barely acceptable. But for those of us who choose JennyCraig, Medifast or Nutrisystem….it can get downright mean out there.

I first came face to face with this attitude when two ladies I know were discussing another lady we know, who had crazy success on Medifast. The woman in question is a kind, intelligent person, who had so far lost 60 pounds, and hoped to lose another 20. As I listened to these women criticize her chosen weight-loss method, I thought, “Who cares? If standing on her head and burping the alphabet helps her lose weight, good for her!”

The two ladies went on and on about how unhealthy it was to lose weight with packaged foods, and that sure, you could get the weight off, but that is the “easy” part. What about maintenance? I should have spoken up and told them that I would not call losing weight “easy,” at least not for me.

In my opinion, this woman had found something that worked for her. Keyword here: HER. And since it is HER choice, and she found something that works for HER, shouldn’t we then be happy, you know, for HER??

To illustrate this double-standard, think of person A and person B. A and B have both lost 50 pounds. A and B both modified their diets, and incorporated exercise. But A is using Nutrisystem, while B did it on her own. Do you think they will get the same amount of kudos? Hells no. B will get oodles of congrats, while A will be grilled with questions about whether her weight loss will last, and be lucky to retain her dignity. Why is this? If A and B are both healthy, fit and can get into a size 6, who cares how they got there?

I think that to some, choosing a weight-loss program that involves buying pre-packaged foods demonstrates an inherent lack of willpower. And that makes me want to chuckle. If I had oodles of willpower and self-control, I wouldn’t be fat. So, if I need a program that spells it out for me for awhile, who cares? If I choose a program that puts high fences up on my options for the time-being? Why is that a bad thing?

I look at those contestants on the Biggest Loser, and I think it is the same kind of idea. Those contestants are not on the Ranch forever, but most of them keep their weight off when they leave. No one is judging them or accusing them of cheating at the weight-loss game for going on the show in the first place. No one is yelling at the TV screen saying, “You should be able to figure this out on your own! Don’t accept the trainer’s help! Muscle through by yourself!”

So why do we judge people who choose a packaged-foods weight loss program? Why do we think that it is somehow “cheating” when people choose a more regimented plan? The Biggest Loser contestants learn things about exercise, eating and discipline by following their trainers’ plan. So why does it feel like a weight-loss “taboo” for me to follow Nutrisystem’s program?

It’s like admitting defeat, somehow. Like, I couldn’t do it by myself, so I had to order Nutrisystem. I'm gonna feel really guilty about that when I'm wearing a size 10 again. (Pause, not.)

A Letter to Weight Watchers

2011-02-09T09:20:00.000-08:00

Weight Watchers… it’s not you, it’s me. I suck at counting points. I suck at trying to estimate serving sizes. I suck at following your PowerFoods list if I’m trying not to count points. I don’t understand why my fist is the size of a very large apple, and not a small one like you say it should be. I don’t like to go to meetings, because it seems like the most obnoxious person in the group always has the most to say. Online, your recipe builder drives me batty. If onions are “free”, why does my Points-per-serving go up if I add onions to my recipe?
That being said, thank you. You helped me. Really, you did. I lost weight using your plan before, and I very well might use it again in the future. You helped me lose the first 20 pounds, and it is my failure, not yours, that it took me a freaking year to do so. You taught me wonderful lessons, like how Greek yogurt is the bomb, and can be made savory or sweet with very few calories. You prodded me towards fruit, until I realized I really liked it. And I will never forget how you were the one that taught me how magical oatmeal can be in keeping me full. I know that you have worked wonders for others, and that your plan works, if someone is committed enough.
WW, I have a confession. There is someone else. Last week, I ordered Nutrisystem. It is my first day, and I am excited about this new relationship. And do you know why I think it might work?
Cause I just ate breakfast, and I have no idea what I am having for lunch. That’s why.
WW, on your plan, I would already be calculating how many points I have left. I would be running through the list of options in my head…Subway, Brown rice sushi, Bag salad? Depending on what I chose, my thoughts and calculations would then turn to snacks. Dinner. Dessert. Would I have enough points to keep me full until bedtime?
I am tired of thinking about food ALL DAMN DAY LONG.
I have my NS lunch in my purse, and I forget what it is, but it doesn’t matter. Really! I don’t even have to think or look at it until lunchtime. Nutrisystem did the calculations for me. THEY did the math, so I don’t have to stress about it. I don’t have to think about lunch until it is time for lunch.
Don’t get me wrong, WW. No diet is perfect, and I have fears about NS, too. When I opened the box last night, some of the portion sizes shocked me a little. Time will tell if this will last. But I am willing to give it a shot. I'm not one that thinks you have to be overly dedicated to one system or another for life. I feel like I should be able to play the field to find something that works well for me.
WW, for awhile that was you. But at least for the time being, I am going a different way.
Sincerely, Chic Chickadee

Kudos of the Day...

2010-10-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

Goes to Tulpen at Bad Words, for being totally honest in calling three-year-olds assholes.

Because, hello? They totally are.

You can read that excellence here.

South Beach Diet and Me

2010-09-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

After losing 20 pounds by just watching what I eat, I am ready to start a more concentrated dieting approach. I am currently following the South Beach Diet way of eating, which I love. The SBD, as my friend and I call it, is a healthful way of eating, both because of the food, and on an emotional level. This diet does not require counting calories or points, so personally, I think about food less when I am following this way of eating.

The problem is, my recipe ideas run pretty dry after I have exhausted my SBD stand-bys: lean meatloaf, grilled meat with veggies, broth-y soups, and salads. There are numerous blogs out there that have wonderful recipe ideas for SBD, with the most helpful probably being Kalyn's Kitchen. Her website is very well-organized. My one complaint? (Which really isn't much of a complaint at all, just a difference in taste.) I tend to like more homey, comfort foods.

Kalyn's recipes are delicious, and I have used many of them. But I'm a coward, and like to stick to what I know... like casseroles, creamy soups, thick stews, and braised meats. Kalyn tends to enjoy cooking in more of what I would call a Mediterranean style. I prefer things more French. (Give me sauces, or give me death!)

Which brings me to my point... I am going to post recipes that I have tried, and how I liked them. I am going to attempt to bring a more French or American-comfort food bent to the South Beach Diet. I am going to be completely honest about how the recipes turn out, too. I will also do my utmost to make sure that the recipes I use comply with SBD, but if they don't, please feel free to comment! I would like to be corrected if I get it wrong.

Knock That Shit Off

2010-09-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

There is a blog that I read on a daily basis. I used to love it, but lately...not so much. This person's blog has become nothing but a bunch of whining. And the thing is... the stuff the author is whining about isn't that big of a deal.

She has beautiful children. From her admission, she has a loving husband who works hard so she can stay home with said beautiful children, in a large, lovely home with a beautiful yard. She has wonderful friends who bring soup when her or her children are sick.

There is no cancer here. No lost job with a looming foreclosure. No infertility or loss of limb or earthquake or flooding. What there is on that blog is a lot of this:
-"It's so freaking hot! I cannot stand it. We have to stay inside in the air-conditioning all day." (Well, it is summer right now. Thank the Lord you have air-conditioning.)
-"I am nauseous ALL day! And I hate my husband. Him trying to be nice to me makes me hate him more." (You are pregnant, presumably with another gorgeous child. Pregnancy makes people irritable. Deal.)
- "My son is being so naughty lately. He has taken to throwing his toys at the flat screen." (Take his toys away, maybe? Or how about some good old-fashioned discipline?)

These are made-up quotes, of course. I know the blog world is a small one, and this woman has one of the most-read "mommy" blogs on the internet. She seems to have everything going for her, by her own admission. And I know life isn't perfect, and all of us need to vent sometimes. But if she doesn't knock off the whining spree, she is going to lose a big chunk of her readers.

Starting with me.

Tomato Tart

2010-09-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

I made this tomato tart last night. (Recipe from Williams-Sonoma.) I used a store-bought pie crust, and did it in a circular tart pan. Also, I thought I had basil at home, but I didn't, so I substituted with dried greek herbs. It was very good last night, but I think I am enjoying it better cold today. It is very rich, so I would serve it with a light green salad. Delicious!

Ergo Carriers on Sale

2010-09-02T08:18:00.001-07:00

Ergo carriers for about 50% off. Here, but only today. Snag one, cause I'm not allowed to.

Have You Seen It?

2010-08-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

I know I might be a little late jumping on this fan-wagon, but internets, I have to say it: Wicked is incredible. Talented Sister and I hit NYC a few weeks back, and we had to see it. The costumes were amazing; the story was compelling; the music was enthralling! I cannot wait to see it again. It leaves San Francisco soon, but you can still catch it if you hurry. And then, Wicked goes on tour! I think I will take my niece when it gets to Fresno.

Stuff That Works...

2010-08-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

When it comes to skin and makeup and body products, I own too many. Way more than you would think, from the looks of me. My problem is that I am picky. If a product isn't fabulous, I'm disappointed... and quickly on the hunt for something to replace it. Here are a few that I love:
Philosophy's Microdelivery Exfoliating Wash: This face wash is truly gentle enough to use every day. Just follow it up with a good moisturizer, right away. My sister and my best friend say I have nice skin. I think this really helps.

Korres Wild Rose Face Powder: This makeup is natural, and contains nothing on the "bad" list. It contains Vitamin C, feels amazing, lasts all day, and I swear my face looks better naked after I wear it.

Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey: I hate wearing lipstick. I hate how gunky it feels, how it settles into fine lines in my lips, how it rubs off, how it tastes... This lip"stick" has none of those problems. I wear it over Chap stick, and it lasts all day. It goes on in a smooth, build-able color that looks different on everyone. On me, it looks like a really natural, berry stain. I love it.

Blinc Kiss Me Mascara: I have tried SO. MANY. MASCARAS. in my life. Oy. Not everyone will love this mascara. It doesn't volumize, but it does lengthen. I am paranoid about clumps, so once in awhile, I have to comb my eyelashes out right after application. But not often. The best thing about this mascara is that once it dries, it will not come off without warm water and gentle rubbing. I used to get dark smudges under my eyes from my mascara sweating off during the day. So, I switched to waterproof. But that crap wouldn't come all the way off, so I would scrub half my eyelashes off, and still have dark circles in the morning. But this stuff comes all the way off with warm water, so no smudges, ever! It is also kind of neat to see the tubes in the sink after you are done.

Frugal or Crazy?

2010-06-29T12:39:00.000-07:00

In this whole "will-we, wont-we" baby discussion phase that Hot Husband and I are currently in, I have made a list of items that I would like if we have a kid. Every one of these items has been thoroughly researched, and I am confident in the choices I have made. So, when I saw one of these items on Craigslist, and when I saw that it was brand new, and half-price... I bought it.

Now, in addition to the "maybe baby" discussion, we have added a "crazy versus smart-planning" debate. HH is convinced I'm a nut, but I think there is very little wrong with buying something, (at half price!) that you most likely will need someday. In response, HH likes to remind me of that one time when I bought a kitchen sink off Craigslist because I was excited about us talking about maybe building a house.

He might have a point there, but I still think that the baby purchase was a good one. However, since I am such a good, submissive wife, (HA!) I have agreed to not purchase any more items for nonexistent babies. Which is a lot harder than it sounds, cause I just found a killer deal on an Ergo carrier online...

Six Years...

2010-06-11T12:26:00.000-07:00

On this day, six years ago, Hot Husband and I stood in a very hot church and said the most important words of our lives.

It is still the best thing I have ever done.

Thank you, HH, for being the most incredible best friend, handyman, provider, and lover of my heart. I love you, and am thankful for you every single day.

Unisex is Thrifty...

2010-06-01T09:44:00.000-07:00

If you are planning on having more than one child, and if you are on a budget, buying unisex clothing items may be the way to go. When baby is little, there are lots of unisex options. But when they get older, things are divided more decisively into the "pink camp", or the "blue camp." Here are some things that I found that would work for either a boy or a girl:

I would say that most of these items read a little more masculine than some moms would prefer for their little girls. But accessories would go a long ways with some of these things. What about changing out the white shoelaces in the Chuck Taylors for pink and white polka-dotted ones? Or a fun little belt with those Chinos? If HH and I have kids, I will definitely try to make clothing choices that could work for a boy or a girl.

Sources: 1) Chinos, OldNavy 2) Sweater, JCrew 3) Saltwaters, Nordstroms 4) Hoodie, Gap 5) Chuck Taylors, Macys

Future Plans...

2010-05-24T13:43:00.000-07:00

When I get knocked up, I think I will register for one of these:
Do you think anyone will get the joke?

My Fridge...

2010-05-04T13:08:00.000-07:00

My fridge looked like this:

Until I bought a set of bloom decals, here...

And now, my fridge looks like this:

Hot Husband has this funny idea of not getting new appliances just cause the old ones are ugly. (Silly man.) So, I made the best of my non-matching fridge. Now it makes me happy. This project was pretty easy, as projects go.

Irony Is...

2010-05-04T13:06:00.000-07:00

...getting your period while standing in line to buy a pregnancy test.

Yeppers, my oven is biscuit-free for now. I was surprised at how relieved I felt.

On a Happier Note...

2010-04-29T13:38:00.001-07:00

I'm down a size in pants.

My new jeans are tighter than I would like, but my old pants were so big I kept having to pull them up when I walked around the office. NOT attractive.

When Hope Doesn't Float

2010-04-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, hope can really suck. Like, when you don't know whether to hope you are or aren't pregnant. Like when you are so ready and so, so not ready for that. All at the same time. How is that even possible, by the way? Hope also sucks when it is a selfish hope. When you know that you shouldn't be hoping at all. This is, after all, so very much not just about me and my wants. And most of all, hope sucks when you feel like an idiot for hoping at all.

I have taken two pregnancy tests. One was inconclusive, the other was negative. But I feel so odd. I wouldn't have even given it a second thought, but there is weirdness occurring. And I am usually like clockwork. I have been having these twinges. Weird, odd, bizarre twinges. My 'time' is almost here, so I keep going to the bathroom, hoping... for something. Hoping to need a tampon, or to not need a tampon. Seriously, it is like both of those desires are locked in some arm-wrestling match, where neither side will win. I feel like whatever happens, I will be disappointed.

Reading back over that, I realize that maybe it is better to feel disappointed because you need a tampon than to feel disappointed if you don't.

This Weekend: San Francisco

2010-04-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

When tax time rolls around, it is always good to remind myself why in the hell I live in California, the land of the $18 hamburger and 10% sales tax. So, Hot Husband and I are off to San Francisco. (Do you see the reasoning? Yes, we have to pay RA-HEE-LEE high income taxes, but we also have access to that fab city.)

Staying at a five-star hotel, too. (Yes, I just gloated a tad.) BUT, we got a really good deal. Apparently, about a month ago, the people who run Travelocity got together and smoked a bowl and then set the prices for hotels in SF this weekend. So, five-star hotel, with money left over for a nice dinner and a fun show. If you are at the late showing of Beach Blanket Babylon, I will be the one giggling a bit too loudly. Because I get sloshed after a drink and a half, and there is a two-drink minimum.

Cheers!

Etsy Crush...

2010-04-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am loving these prints and originals from Etsy artist Nina Moscrip. The colors are incredible, and the drawing style is so intriguing to me. Her prices are great, too. The top one is coming to live with me, because that is the color scheme of my redecorating project. Check them out here.

Spring Cleaning with Simple Mom

2010-04-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

Spring is finally here. This past week has been blue skies and sunshine in my neck of the woods, and I am loving it. Next week is Spring Cleaning Week over at SimpleMom. I plan to clean along with her from April 12-April 16, and I will let you know how it goes! I am looking forward to a cleaner, more healthful home at the end of that time. Right now, I feel like my house looks like this:
But at the end, I hope it will feel like this:

If it does, I certainly will deserve one of these:
Care to join me?

Highlights of My Week:

2010-04-09T10:16:00.000-07:00

- A walk with Hot Husband through a beautiful state park near our home.
- Stuffing a shredder bin FULL of files from pre-1992 at work.
- Looking forward to getting cloth samples for my living room re-do project.
- My dog laying her sweet little head on my lap.
- 55-calorie beer that doesn't suck.
- Looking forward to thrift shopping with my crazy-talented sister this weekend.
- Sunny skies with perfect temperatures.

A Trend I Cannot Get Behind...

2010-04-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

I think that both of these tables are lovely. But the one thing they have in common is the one thing I cannot have in my house. Do you see how they are alike? They are both "lipped" tables. I love the look of this style, but my house gets too dirty. I have been known to vacuum my coffee table. No joke. When I clean, I start by sweeping all the large particles onto the ground to vacuum, then I go back for a finer dusting. These tables would totally mess up my system! They look really hard to clean. Wouldn't dust and dirt get trapped in the "tray" of the table? Perhaps these people live in cleaner houses? Or they are better housekeepers? Am I the only one whose house gets too dirty to own one of these?

Images: 1.) Phoebe Howard, via Brabourne Farm. 2) Pottery Barn Moroccan Tray Table.

A Dream Weekend

2010-03-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, my husband and I had the opportunity to stay at the Ritz Carlton, Half Moon Bay. We had no idea what we were in for. I had heard that it was nice, and was expecting something like the Hilton. The Ritz Carlton makes the Hilton look like a Motel 6. My friend and I spent the afternoon with glasses of wine, reading books in Adirondack chairs that overlooked the ocean, while the boys played a round of golf. At night, the fire pits were lit. The food was incredible, the spa was amazing, and the garlic fries in the golf clubhouse were a bit too yummy. I would really, really like to go back.

This is the kind of thing I think about when wondering whether or not to have kids. If we didn't have kids, we could go to the Ritz Carlton a lot more often. I wouldn't have to give up my reading habit. We could travel, be financially secure a LOT earlier... there really is a trade-off, and I will admit that sometimes having children does not seem worth it.

Spring Shoes

2010-03-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

Un-manicured toes need not apply. From JCrew.

Today I Love: EmersonMade

2010-03-24T15:34:00.000-07:00

The beautiful handmade flower above is from EmersonMade. I've been stalking their blog for quite some time now. Their lovelies never fail to amaze me.

Have YOU Met Miss Jones?

2010-03-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

The Australian company Have You Met Miss Jones has incredible decorative pieces for the home. Some of their items are whimsical and baby-shower worthy, (hello, mr. owl!), but some are breathtaking works of art. Aren't those wings lovely?

Spotted: Custom IKEA Slipcovers

2010-03-22T09:21:00.000-07:00

The incredibly talented Dana from the blog DanaMadeIt whipped up these oil-cloth slipcovers for her IKEA Henriksdal counter stools. I love this idea so much, I literally squealed a little when I saw them. Aren't they gorgeous?!

This idea helps me get past the last hurdle of buying my new dining room chairs. My husband has been objecting that the white slipcovers that come with the chairs will not hold up to daily use, especially once we have kids. But Dana saved the day! With her idea, I can have as many slipcovers as I can sew, including an oil-cloth set for everyday. (Read: waterproof and damp-rag-wipe-able.) Totally kid-friendly. Go over to Dana's blog to check it out!

Toodles, Starbucks!

2010-03-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, I am on a strict budget. That has been a little bit of a transition. Gone are my morning Starbucks visits. I am using a recipe that my friend Jamie passed on to me, and it is a very delicious, inexpensive alternative.

- Chilled coffee, (I keep mine in a pitcher in the fridge)
- Sugar-free syrup, (I bought some Starbucks sugar-free hazelnut syrup from their website.)
- Low fat milk

In the morning, mix two to three pumps syrup, about a cup of chilled coffee, and about a quarter cup milk in a to-go coffee cup. I never measure this concoction, but I taste test and add ingredients as needed. I don't miss out on taste, and I certainly don't miss that $4 latte bill in the morning.

I'm Intrigued: VIPP Trashcan as a Diaper Pail

2010-03-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

Hurray! My sister in law is pregnant! Besides the obvious benefit of a new bundle of joy in the family, this gives me a semi-legitimate reason to be stalking baby retailers. Now, I am no longer the crazy, wanna-be-pregnant lady. Now, I am a future aunt!

So, I was browsing Giggle the other day, and came across this beauty:

This stainless steel lovely is the Mercedes Benz of diaper pails. It's a VIPP trash can, and you may have seen it at your doctor's office. New parents have discovered that since it is stainless steel, it does not absorb the odors like plastic diaper pails can. VIPPs are made to last forever. And heck, isn't it cute? There is a downside, though. This little bugger costs about $320.

Even so, I am quite interested in seeing more reviews about this pail. So far, I have heard nothing but positive things about it. And if it really keeps smells in as well as people claim, isn't that money well-spent, especially if you can continue to use it long after baby is grown?

Things I Love Right Now

2010-03-18T13:34:00.000-07:00

- Pandora: a website that creates you a custom radio station, based on a song or an artist that you like. You click whether or not you like songs, and the radio station figures out what you like. It's free, with very few commercials. Love.

- My Paper-Source letterpress calendar. My sister bought me this lovely desk calendar for Christmas, and it is incredible. Each month has a new, beautiful piece of letterpress art for you to look at. I never get sick of it. Right now, it is 30% off.

The Meaning Behind Our Things

2010-03-18T12:58:00.000-07:00

My baby fevah has returned with such force that it shocks even me. However, since I need to get into and through nursing school before trying for a baby, I am trying to focus on and enjoy the aspects of my life that will be gone once we have a kid. This includes getting my house all spruced up and organized. I'm so, so, so excited about that. Hot Husband and I are going through all of our closets and getting rid of anything we don't need.

I am bringing all my old clothes to a local consignment store to see if I can get any money for them, and HH's old clothes are being re purposed as sewing material, or they are being sent to Goodwill. I have started asking myself very important questions about the items in our house, which have helped me clear out a few boxes of items for Goodwill already. These questions are very simple, but very effective:

- Do I love this item?
- Do I need this item? Am I sure?

If the answer is no to both of those questions, the item goes in the charity pile or a trash bag. As I started looking at the things in my house under this light, I was amazed at how many things I was keeping for no reason at all. And I was surprised to find that there were quite a few things that I was keeping because I felt guilty for getting rid of them.

Case in point: a teapot that HH's grandmother had given us for our wedding. I held that thing in my hands for a long time, before it finally went into the Goodwill box. I never loved that item, and I certainly did not need it. I had never used it. But it had been taking up valuable real estate in my cupboard because it was a wedding gift given by a person who is special to us. Even as I am typing this, I feel so heartless for getting rid of it. But I did not have enough room to keep it without sacrificing something I did love, or that which was useful.

"It's just a thing," I finally thought. But getting rid of that teapot made me think about the meaning that we put on the items in our environments. If that teapot had not been given to us at our wedding from someone we love, it would have been out of the house years ago. It was the meaning behind the object that I was treasuring, not the object itself. I realized that I can still treasure that meaning, while passing the teapot on to someone who will love and use it.

How about you? Do you suffer from guilt when deciding what takes up space in your home?

Oh Mylanta...

2010-03-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry, internets! I've been busy. It is nursing school application-alooza at my house right now. Applying to school sounds very simple. But... when every school has different application requirements, and you are applying to six different schools, it gets a tad complicated. I am hanging my whiteboard back in the dining room tonight, just so I can keep track of it all.

Product Review: Lunchbots

2010-02-24T14:28:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, let me say that no one is paying me or giving me anything for this review.

About six months ago, I started looking for ways to make our home a more healthful place. In that spirit, I decided to stop buying cheap plastic leftover containers that were semi-disposable. I found that when I used those, I would throw them away quite frequently. Also, the lingering tomato sauce stains on several of the plastic containers made me concerned about how clean they were actually getting in my dishwasher.

I ran across Lunchbots, a company that makes food-grade stainless steel lunch containers. They are dishwasher safe, earth-friendly, and quite cute. Hot husband was a little leery of the price, but I explained to him that they will last forever, and that I would stop spending a fortune on plastic clutter. We purchased two green "Eco's" and two blue "Uno's" to start, and I am very happy with them.

They are sturdier than I thought they would be, and although not water-tight, the lids fit well. I throw them sideways in my husband's lunchbox, and even after much jostling, the lids stay firmly on. I love how clean they are when they come out of the dishwasher, and that I can put the blue ones inside of the green ones to save space. After six months of regular use, they look as new as the day they arrived. As I continue to throw away my ugly plastic containers, I will replace them with Lunchbots. It is a purchase I feel really good about.

Gardening Plans for Spring

2010-02-17T08:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, I woke up and realized that it is much lighter much earlier in the day. Which means: Spring is coming! My bulbs are pushing their hopeful tips through the earth. My dogs spend as much time as possible sunning themselves. And I have started looking around, thinking of what I would like to do in the yard this coming season.

I have two goals this season. The first is to get our watering system hooked up and running. We pay a few hundred dollars a year to have access to unlimited gardening water in the spring and summer. We just need to hook it up.

My second priority is to add privacy to our home. I would like to plant a row of trees along one side of our home, to block our view into the neighbor's yard. I would also like to tear out the shrubbery in front of the house and put in a fence, so the dogs can have access to the front of the house.

I want to plant some lilacs in the front of our driveway, to act as a privacy screen. Trees would fill in more quickly, but that section of the line runs under power lines. Lilacs it is. The other issue with that spot is that the previous owners planted Vinca. Vinca is extremely invasive, and almost impossible to kill. In fact, the only way to completely kill it is to lay down several layers of cardboard, cover it with dirt, and wait until the Vinca is smothered. This can take a season or more. Then, you can remove the cardboard, till the dirt and plant.

I don't want to wait. So, my idea is to make a raised bed over the Vinca, using old railroad ties. A bed two ties high should be sufficient for planting. I will fill it with dirt, plant my lilac trees, and by the time their root systems reach down enough to compete with the Vinca, the Vinca should be gone. The raised bed will be inexpensive and will add a little height to the lilacs, giving more privacy. Railroad ties are going for about six dollars each on my local Craigslist, so it should be a reasonable project.

My goal for these projects is simple. I want to be able to open all of our curtains and not see anything but our yard and our property.

One For the Girls...

2010-02-08T14:08:00.001-08:00

I love Valentine's Day. When I was growing up, my Mom would set out special gifts in the morning for us. We would wake up, eat breakfast, and open presents. Even when I was a single girl in college, my friends and I would make a point to go out to dinner in celebration. And we would dream of the day when we would have significant others who would make the day special for us.

This year, I am hosting a Valentine's Tea for some of the special ladies in my life. Even though I am married, something about all the pink and red makes me want to get together with the girls. Let's face it: Valentine's Day is a very girly holiday.

If you are planning on being bored this weekend because of a lack of a special someone, don't neglect all the other special someones in your life. Throw an impromptu party or go out to dinner. Valentine's Day is worth celebrating!

(Photo from Martha Stewart)

Misunderstanding of the Day

2010-02-04T09:10:00.000-08:00

Me: "Man, it's really cold in here."
(Boss gets up to change the thermostat.)
Me: "Oh, you didn't have to do that."
Boss: "No, it is kind of chilly. Even my Peter's cold."
Me: ::blank stare, looks down::

About ten seconds later, I realized that he had really said, "Even my feet are cold."

Whoops.

Final Answer...Dining Chairs

2010-02-02T13:02:00.000-08:00

After much, much, much deliberation, I have settled on the Henriksdal chairs from IKEA for our dining room. I love the way they look, and at eighty bucks a pop, you can't beat the price. The white covers are removable and machine-washable, too. Still, I must admit that white + food makes me a tad nervous. I'm going to look into Scotch-guard techniques for these suckers.

What I Wanted and What I Got

2010-02-02T12:37:00.000-08:00

This is what I wanted, from Circa lighting, about $700. This is what I ended up getting, from Overstock, about $140. I don't know about you, but I don't see a 550 dollar difference. Don't tell Hot Husband, but I'm thinking about spray-painting it a fabulous grey color. Or maybe I'll leave it. I haven't decided yet, and I always reserve the right to change my mind.

Things That Make Me Go Oooh...

2010-02-02T09:40:00.001-08:00

My mother had a rose garden when I was growing up. She loved the classic tea roses, and during spring and summer, she would cut flowers and bring them to friends, family and the old folks' home. The response was always the same: "These came from your garden?"

As usually happens when you are used to something: it becomes the norm, and it isn't special anymore. I never understood why people were so impressed with roses. They didn't capture my interest. Until I met David Austin's roses, that is.

His roses combine old-rose beauty and fragrance with modern roses' hardiness and repeat-flowering. Some of my favorites are, from top: Queen of Sweden, Glamis Castle, Claire Austin, and Anne Boleyn. The Anne Boleyn variety can be grown in pots, which is fabulous. I have an area on my driveway that could use some sprucing, but there is no way to dig a flower bed there. I'm thinking three Anne Boleyn's in half wine barrels would do the trick.

Hot husband: that would make an excellent Valentine's Day present.

Remiss...

2010-02-02T09:17:00.001-08:00

My apologies. Hot Husband had shoulder surgery this past week, and I have been practicing my nursing skills by bringing him food and pills, changing DVD's, and covering him with blankets. This hasn't left a lot of time for chatting at the internet on my blog. I was really doing well, until I gave his shoulder an affectionate squeeze on my way out the door this morning... the WRONG shoulder. This was promptly met with, "AAAAAAH!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!" Which upset the dogs, because any yelling in our home is directed at them. I think they were confused.

Sigh.

Anyhoo, that is what I have been up to. McFatty Monday and my diet have been thrown by the wayside. I am gearing up to start again. The application periods for several local nursing programs open up soon, and I will be working on essays and trying to bamboozle people into writing recommendation letters for me. Oh, and the house. I have lots of plans for the house and yard for the coming months. Basically, life got in the way of my blogging. But I have lots stored up to share!

Inspiring Kitchen

2010-01-21T12:57:00.001-08:00

I love this kitchen, designed by Margot Austin, and photographed by Donna Griffith. First off, the lantern... I've been looking for the perfect dining room light fixture for over a year now. I think something like this would fit the bill, since I am going to be using traditional, black chairs.

And that kitchen island literally gives me butterflies in my stomach, it is so beautiful. The shape, the grey finish, those casters... yum. I have been putting off painting the legs on my kitchen island, but I think I am motivated again. I think a slightly lighter shade of grey would look good, with a lacquer finish. My "island" is currently at table-height, but some fun casters would raise it to the perfect level.

A Drop in the Bucket

2010-01-19T08:20:00.000-08:00

Sorry this is a day late. Hot Husband and I were away this weekend, to Los Angeles. We celebrated his great-grandmother's 100th birthday, played with nieces we haven't seen in ages, and hung out with HH's brother-in-law and his new girlfriend. It was a very fun weekend, but very full of unplanned strawberry daiquiris, tacos, MASSIVE cupcakes, and pizza.

That being said, I am happy to report that I lost 4.5 pounds this past week. Not too shabby, with all things considered. Except for a few days this week, I have been doing well with my eating and tracking points. I have not really been exercising so far, which I plan to change very soon. (Does cleaning the house count?)

I'm looking forward to a week full of new recipes and healthy movement. I will have to wait for my state park walk until the sun comes out again. Right now, it is pouring.

Congrats to all those who kicked this week's butt! Let's see what we can do during the next seven days.

Things That Don't Suck...

2010-01-14T09:21:00.000-08:00

Let's just start this conversation with me stating that I am pretty much the most skeptical person on the face of the planet when it comes to product promises. I don't believe it when the manufacturer tells me something works, because it is their job to sell it. And I don't believe it when a magazine tells me something works, because it is their job to sell advertising spaces to the manufacturers. Have you ever noticed that a magazine's recommended products often are the same ones who have paid for advertisements in that magazine? I don't think that is a coincidence.

Here are some products that actually work, for me. None of these companies are paying me to say this, and I haven't received any free products. (Though I wouldn't say no if they offered.) I luh-uh-uh-uh-uve these items, because they actually follow through on what they claim to do:

Nivea chapstick is awesome. I have two different kinds, and love them both. They make my lips soft, smooth and feel plumper. I have actually dropped fifty bucks on a lip plumper in the past that hurt like hell and didn't do nearly as much for my lips as this stuff.

Burt's Bees Cuticle Creme is absolutely incredible. I have the nastiest, most-ragged cuticles you have ever seen. They are dry, dry, dry. I got this stuff in a gift basket a couple years ago, slapped it on, and was like, "WHOA." I now have a tin at my desk, in my book bag, my purse and at the house. Apply it once or twice a day, and your nails and cuticles will look like you just got out of a salon.

Smashbox Photo Finish works. I have the oil-free formula, which is nice and light. But this stuff really does make a difference. I use it over moisturizer and under powder, and I think it makes my skin look smoother and younger. It is pretty expensive, but if you are looking for something to make your pores look smaller, this might be the ticket for you. The full-size bottle is pretty expensive, but you can get a travel size for about fifteen dollars. A little goes a long way with this stuff, too.

Week One: How to Lose Four Pounds and Then Gain Them Back

2010-01-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

Alrighty. This past week was a lesson in what not to do to lose weight. The first part of the week, I was great. I ate within my Weight Watchers Points range, and I worked out a bit on the Wii. And then, Gentle Readers.... then, I flew to Washington DC to visit my friend for the weekend.

There was pasta. And tiramisu. And heavens to Betsy if there weren't several coconut cupcakes from Georgetown cupcake. (HIGHLY recommended, if you aren't on a diet.)

I weighed myself before I left for the weekend, and I was down four pounds. I weighed myself this morning, and those four pounds were back.

Moral of the story: I will not be repeating that performance this week. I am more than a little pissed off that I don't get to join in the festivities of celebrating pounds lost this McFatty Monday. Pissed off is actually a great way for me to be when I want something, so I am embracing this state of mind.

Congrats to all those who did a better job than I did this week. And here's a big "I feel ya," to all the ladies that tripped and fell into a cupcake. Let's grab this week by the balls, shall we?

Non-Boring Vegetables- (WW 1-2 points)

2010-01-05T12:14:00.000-08:00

You know those people who are like, "Oh, I'm starving. I think I'll have a cup of carrots"?

That is so not me.

Well, maybe... if the carrots are drenched in butter, pureed and then stirred into a cup of cream. And even then, I'm probably going to need a side of steak.

Before recently, I'd never met a dish of vegetables that made me say, "Yum," without a heck of a lot of cheese or butter. But butter and cheese are a bit taboo when one is trying to get rid of cottage-cheese thighs. So, here is a recipe for a truly delicious, healthy vegetable dish.

(Above photo shamelessly stolen from Martha Stewart. 'Cause that's how I roll.)

Vegetable Tian, (adapted from MarthaStewart.com)

3 cloves of garlic, minced
2 large potatoes
5 medium zucchini
4 large carrots
1 large red onion
2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 Tablespoon olive oil, (or multiple olive oil sprays)
1 Tablespoon oregano

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Peel vegetables as needed. Chop into 1/8 inch slices. Try to make the slices fairly uniform in width; I like to use my mandolin slicer. Grab a big casserole dish, like 9x13" or so. Spray the bottom with olive oil cooking spray. Add the onion, garlic and oregano. Toss to coat.

Put the other veggies over the onion mixture in layers. (Mine never looks as pretty as the picture, cause I get bored.) As you layer, crack some black pepper over a couple of the layers, and spray a little olive oil on it. You don't need to spray every layer, and it doesn't have to be much, but do make sure to spray the top layer.

Cover the mixture with aluminum foil. Bake for 20 minutes. Remove foil and continue roasting for about 25 more minutes.

This recipe makes a lot of veggies. If you divided this into six servings, it would be 2 points. If you divide it into 10 servings, it would be 1 point. I made this on Sunday, and we will eat it all week. It is good cold, too.

Skinny Chicken (WW Points-4)

2010-01-05T08:17:00.000-08:00

Last night, my husband and I enjoyed this yummy, low-calorie chicken dish. I made this in an enameled, cast-iron frying pan.

Ingredients:

4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts, all visible fat removed
3/4 Tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
3/4 cup diced red onion
2 cups baby carrots
2 Tablespoons Spices- greek seasoning and pepper, or chicken spice rub
1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Heat pan over medium heat. Drizzle in olive oil. Add onions. Rub chicken with spices. Put chicken in the pan, and brown both sides of the chicken, to seal in juices. (About 2 minutes per side.) Add carrots over and around chicken, add broth. Put into oven, bake for 25-35 minutes, until chicken is done. 1 serving is a chicken breast and 1/4 vegetables.

Optional: Once cooked, take carrots and onions, and put into a bowl. Blend together with an immersion blender, adding pan juices spoonful by spoonful as necessary. Veggies should be the consistency of mashed potatoes.

Fabulous Fat-Ass No More

2010-01-04T11:05:00.000-08:00

Look... if you know me, or if you have been hanging around for any length of time, you know that I am pretty comfortable with me. I like me. I'm intelligent. I have a decent sense of humor, (enough to make me laugh, anyways.) I generally forgive myself for my faults, and try to fix them as I go.

I am maybe TOO comfortable with myself. Which might be why I am about 85 pounds overweight. Yeah, I need to lose a fourth grader. Super.

THE WHY:

- A couple years ago, I went to the mall, and had the best luck. Banana Republic, Ann Taylor and J.Crew's clearance sections were full of fabulous things in my size. If you are a big girl, you know that never happens. I was exclaiming to my (very, very thin) friend about my good fortune, and a sales-lady overheard me. She smirked and said, "Yes, that's because we are discontinuing those sizes." (Never mind that she was forty-something and working at the mall. She felt superior.)

But, it is true. There is nothing attractive out there in that size anymore. And I like clothes. Really, I do. I like feeling pretty as much as the next girl. Oh, and I like heels. I used to be able to help carry a drunken friend in four-inch stilettos. Now, I'm all about the flats. (Let's not talk about the time I made Hot Husband drive me to the doctor for foot pain, and the hot female doctor had to try to diplomatically tell me, (in front of HH) that maybe I shouldn't be wearing heels anymore, cause I'm too faaaaaaat.)

- The Hot Husband. People, my husband is very attractive. I have high standards, and I'm not making this up. A couple of friends have honestly asked me how I managed to snag him. (In their defense, I don't think they were trying to be offensive; I think they were wanting to know about my secret mad skillz in bed.) I want to look like I belong with him. I am quite sick of the slightly-confused look on people's faces when we are meeting them for the first time. (Um, this is... who? Your fat, adopted sister that you hang out with a lot, perhaps?)

- The Sex. All you seriously overweight peeps know what I'm talking about here. Positions that used to be part of your repertoire slowly become impossible. There are fewer and fewer angles that you feel comfortable being viewed from. And standing-up shower sex? Fogettaboutit.

- Maybe, babies. I don't know for sure that I want to be a mom. I'm on the fence, going back and forth about things. But, I do know that I will be seriously pissed off if I decide that I want a kid and then can't because I'm too overweight. I do not want to get pregnant at this weight; I think it would be irresponsible to the child, and to myself.

THE HOW:

- Weight Watchers Online, and honesty. Honesty is very important when you are doing Weight Watchers. Before, I was always trying to cheat the system. I have now realized that there is no cheating the system... there is only cheating myself.

- Cooking. I love to cook, but I rarely do because the cleanup takes effort and time. But I have a list of healthy, potentially-delicious recipes I would like to try. I was a big fan of the pre-packaged food while I was in school, but the sodium levels in that stuff are cah-razy.

- Wii Fit. I got one (accidentally) for Christmas, and actually like using it. My short-term goal is to burn 100-200 calories a day using it. Not much, but I'm going to start slow and ramp it up.

- Walking, (which will hopefully turn into running,) 2-3 times a week, with HH. We have a beautiful state park with many, many trails two miles down our road. It is time we start using it. And if fitness is going to be a big part of my life, I need to be able to do some of this with my husband.

- The Firm workouts, on days when weather prevents me from walking or running.

- Jillian Michael's 30-day Shred. Ok, I've done this before, and it kicked my ass. Which probably means I should keep doing it, right?

- Following the McFatty Monday crowd's progress on Heir to Blair. I'm rooting for all of us!

I did not mean for this post to become a novel. It just helps me to clarify my goals and reasons in writing. Right now, I can't hardly imagine what life would be 85 pounds lighter, but I am SO excited to find out!

Happy After the Holidays!

2010-01-04T10:59:00.000-08:00

First and foremost: so sorry that I have been gone for a few days. We had a whirlwind Christmas, seeing every side of the family that there is... like, all eight of them.

Does anyone remember the good old days when you were young and/or single, and you only had two sides of the family to visit? But once you marry a child of a divorce, who has like eighty brothers and sisters, some of which don't chat all that often.... well, the sides multiply exponentially.

And after Christmas, I got sick. I milked that for a good week: PJ's, Grey's Anatomy on DVD, Hot Husband bringing me hot tea... the whole sick bit.

But I am better now! And I am really, really, really looking forward to this year! I have goals, yo!

The Inevitable After-Guests Debriefing

2009-12-24T10:31:00.000-08:00

This is kinda late, but we had our friends Justin and Lauren and their three kids over last week for the holidays.

"Does it have to be that loud?" I asked my husband with real concern, after our guests had left for the evening. "Does it have to be that way?"

"No, it doesn't." I was kind of surprised by the vehemence in his voice. After all, I had never seen him in this kind of situation, surrounded by the madness of numerous under-twelves in our home. I thought he had been very patient. He had looked unruffled throughout the entire evening.

"So talk to me. Tell me your thoughts." I love a peek inside my husband's brain, and it sounded like he definitely had an opinion about the night's events.

"Well, I know what you mean when you say that Justin isn't very hands-on. I mean, Lauren kept asking him to help out with the kids, and he just stood there. If you made a point to ask me, in front of company, to help out with one of our kids, I would assume that meant you were at the end of your rope. I would step in and discipline. And if the kid started to cry or whatever, I would just take him in the other room."

(Is it weird that I find my husband extremely hot when he talks about equitable division of parenting tasks in regards to our future children?)

"And also..." he continued, "what is with that whole 're-directing' thing? If a kid wants something, and they shouldn't have it, say no. No, you can't have that present. It isn't yours. Don't just try and distract him with something else, without making it clear. And for frick's sakes, be consistent. If you tell a kid 'no', and he keeps asking and asking and asking, and then you give it to him, what does that teach him? It teaches him that if he keeps asking long enough and wears you down, that he will eventually get what he wants."

Be still my heart. I love that man.

Our Christmas, Part One...

2009-12-24T09:13:00.000-08:00

Last night, we had my husband's sister, brother-in-law and their four kids over to celebrate Christmas. They have a toddler, and three other kids, aged 7-13. We had a great time, but maaaaaan, that is enough to get you thinking about what it really means to have children.

They are all good kids. The littlest has so much spunk that I think we could solve the energy crisis if we could just learn how to channel it effectively. At the end of the evening, my dogs were looking up at me with big, pleading eyes, as if to say, "Can we keep him? Puh-wease?"

And even though the kid slobbered chocolate all over my velvet couch, I was surprising ok with it. I was also fine when he jumped up and down on my leather ottoman. I was alright when he tried to open my antique secretary by clawing at the drawers, and when he knocked over a couple dining room chairs. I was surprised by how alright I was with it.

In fact, the only thing that really made my heart beat a little faster was when my husband picked him up and was playing with him. Big guy with a giggling kid slung over one arm, on their way outside to play with the dogs? Yep, that looked right somehow. And even though it was nice to have some quiet and a glass of wine after they left, the house did feel a bit emptier once they all filed out the door.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T08:55:00.000-08:00

I'm wishing you and yours a blessed, lovely, enjoyable holiday today and tomorrow. I hope that you have lots of smiles and excited children around you! And I hope you can avoid the joy-suckers in your family. (Every family has at least one.) If all else fails... hit the nog.

Merry Christmas!

Holy Craptastic Decorations, Batman!

2009-12-22T15:27:00.000-08:00

Dude.... (Well, first of all, let's clear the air. I'm from California, and therefore allowed to say, "Dude," whenever I want. I pay higher taxes just for that right, actually.)

As I was saying: Dude... it was scary in Kmart today.

Sadly, Kmart is the best my town has to offer in the way of last-minute Christmas shopping, and my lack of planning forced me to join the hordes of people rummaging through the toy aisles, hoping that maybe behind all the plastic crap in front, there were hidden, high-quality toys that we could give to our loved ones without feeling copious amounts of shame. Alas and alack, this was not the case. Behind the plastic crap was more plastic crap.

So, I gave that up and wandered.... actually no. It was more like bustling. I bustled over to the Christmas decorations and tried to find something to make my house look better. Which, is ridiculous. Cause, c'mon, it's Kmart. But they do have the Martha Stewart line of stuff that usually sucks less. But this year, I am sad to report that even Martha's label could not stop the suck-fest. Everything was ruffled, and they tried to push that light, icy-blue look HARD this year. It was that, and a light purple. Yuckity, yuck, yuck, yuck.

It looked like the sugar plum fairy's ugly older sister had copped a squat in that aisle. Massive Christmas decoration FAIL, to say the least.

Giveaway.... Coming Soon

2009-12-22T08:36:00.000-08:00

Hello beloved readers.... (all seven of you.) 2010 is fast approaching, and one of my resolutions is that I use or get rid of all craft supplies that I have already purchased before I allow myself to purchase more. This is where you come in.

I will open up the contest with a post just after the new year. I'm thinking that the giveaway will be a stack of fat quarters, in assorted colors. (Cause that's one of the things I need to get out of my craft stack.)

Is anyone interested? If you know anyone that is... pass it along. I'm hoping to post the giveaway on January 3rd.

LOL...

2009-12-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

I just realized that after my last post, the GoogleAds in my sidebar are advertising adult books. Apparently the good folks at Google know what playing the skin flute is.

Aw, giggity.

Reasons For vs Reasons Against...

2009-12-21T09:45:00.001-08:00

Now that this school madness is behind me, I can focus on other goals. These goals may or may not include: getting thin, getting knocked up, starting some kind of home-based business, and organizing my house so well that it makes everyone else feel bad about their house. I might also start learning how to do my hair in the morning, but that goal is totally unlikely. Blowing my hair dry makes me cranky. Is it a coincidence that all things called "blowing" actually suck? I think not. (Side note: Did you know that the other kind of "blowing" got it's name because a famous jazz artist way-back-when termed that act, "playing the skin flute"? Betcha didn't.)

Moving on....this past week offered Hot Husband and I some opportunities to think about reasons for and against having kids.

For instance, we went out to dinner with some engaged friends of ours, and they both expressed their passionate conviction about wanting children. Which frankly, made me feel stupid for not having made up my mind yet. I mean, there was no uncertainty there. It was like, yeah... we're totally having kids a year after we get married! And then I was thinking... well... where are the normal doubts? How are you going to pay for daycare? Or stay-at-home-mom-ness? What about autism or schizophrenia?

But they were sure. Maybe they haven't checked out the price of cribs lately?

Then, we went away for the weekend, and there was this couple in the hotel room next door with this little fuzzy rat of a dog. And they let it out of their room, and it ran over and plopped itself on the blanket I was lying on. And the lady said, "Oh Pepper, come here. Get off of there." And while I was politely waiting for the lady to come collect her mutt, the lady sighed and went back into her room, leaving her dog. Hot Husband and I exchanged a WTF glance, and I collected my blanket by yanking it out from underneath the dog, while HH swatted the thing in the head with his (paperback) book.

I pointed out to my husband that some people have kids so they don't end up being the crazy dog people. And he pointed out that we might already BE the crazy dog people, since I'm pretty darn convinced that my dog is smarter than your seven year old brat, so nyah.

Ok, have you all seen the movie, "UP"? If you haven't: do that. If you have: "I HATE squirrels!" I will wait for you to stop chuckling to yourself. I was a wreck during the first five minutes or so of that film. Like... bawling. In the movie theater. Yes, it was one of my finest moments. The point is, I don't want to leave my husband alone. What if I die when we are eighty, and there is no one to take care of him because I was too selfish with my rental space in my uterus?

But then again... I watched a Grey's Anatomy re-run, and it had a dood with mental illness on it. And I'm thinking... is it terrible of me to say that I would prefer to stay childless if I knew my son or daughter would end up mentally disturbed and try and choke me in my sleep? Am I an awful person for saying that I am scared for my children's health, and what implications that health has on me? Is that horrendous for me to think about? And if it is, does that mean that I shouldn't have a kid at all? Does it make me selfish if I only want to change my child's diaper for two years, and not thirty-two years? Am I jinxing myself for even writing this down?

I'm a Genius!

2009-12-21T07:51:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the lapse in posting, but it was exam week, and then Hot Husband and I went away for the weekend.

I got my grades back, and you should all feel so blessed to be reading my blog, because apparently I'm brilliant! I got an A in Microbiology, an A in Physiology and a B in Organic Chemistry. Huzzah! Hooray! Haroo! (Insert your preferred celebratory outburst here.)

For Jamie...

2009-12-16T14:19:00.001-08:00

My good friend Jamie is going to Georgetown for Nursing school this winter. Woot, woot! This means that she will be leaving all of her furniture behind her, and must rely on the local IKEA, and what can be delivered to her apartment. Her budget: $1500.

Here is the really, really cheap apartment I designed for her. The total cost is about $1200. Hope you like it, Jamie!

Sources:

IKEA- table, dining chairs, kitchen box, dishes box, two coffee tables, bookcase, dresser, side table, vase and bed. Walmart- bedding. Overstock.com- Sofa and chair.

What the World Needs Now....

2009-12-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, love is always good, but here are some other things that I think we could use more of:

-The word 'Shazaam!' (Must be said with an exclamation point afterwards.) Try it! It's unexpectedly hilarious. I like to use it when putting dinner on the table: "Shazaam!"

-Hand-written letters.

- Saying "please," "thank-you," and "excuse me."

- Following basic traffic principles when pushing carts in the supermarket.

-Random jazz-hands. Great as a response when someone flips you off in traffic.

Another Gift Idea....

2009-12-10T09:26:00.000-08:00

This is another item that I would love to find under the tree, for me. But then again, I really need an address book, so if this little lovely from PaperSource doesn't show up for Christmas, I think I can justify buying it for myself.

Book Love...

2009-12-09T13:04:00.000-08:00

I know that these have been blogged about many, many times. But in case you have been living under a blog rock, these are the new(ish) clothbound Pengiun Classics line. They have taken several classics, and rebound them in lovely covers. I already have copies of all these books, but does that mean I cant have another? In a lovely blue or golden color?

Another "Never"

2009-12-09T12:36:00.001-08:00

Ok, here is another thing that I hope to never, ever do as a mother:

-Write in the "voice" of my child. For example... I brought a present to a one year old's birthday party, and got a thank you note like this:

"Thank you oh so much for my widdle cuddly blanket. I really wuv it alot. Thanks for helping me celebrate my very first birfday! Kisses and cuddles, Paul, age 1."

Now, unless your kid is a freaking genius, Im not buying it. Usually they potty-train before they start writing in script. Here is how a thank-you note from me might read:

"Thanks for humoring us by giving up two hours of your Saturday afternoon and coming to our son's birthday party. Im sure he would thank you himself if he could, or if he knew you had been there. I will show him pictures when he is older. Thanks also for the great train set! Im sure it will keep him entertained for at least fifteen minutes at a time, (which is HUGE.)

Sincerely, ChicChickadee, Hot Husband, and Biscuit.

PS. Im very sorry about that cake-throwing incident. Please send us the drycleaning bill."

What I Want For Christmas....

2009-12-07T12:44:00.000-08:00

These rings are perfect. I know they are supposed to be sea anemones, but all I see are flowers Dr Suess would be proud of. And that is a good thing. A very, very good thing. I want them oh so much.

So... you know who you are. Yes, I'm talking to you, handsome. I would be super-ecstatic-excited if these showed up under the as-of-yet-non-existent Christmas tree.

Random Phone Conversation

2009-12-05T19:56:00.000-08:00

(Ring, ring.)
My hot husband: "Hello?"
Me: "Hello, sir! You have been chosen to participate in a game show called, "There's Only One Right Answer!""
MHH: "Um...ok."
Me: "Would you like to hear your question?"
MHH: "If I have to."
Me: "Your question is: What are you doing this Saturday?"
MHH: "Improving my kill to death ratio on the Playstation."
Me: "Oooh, Im sorry, sir. That was not the answer we were looking for. The correct answer was 'cleaning out the garage with my wife.'"
MHH: "Ha."
Me: "But good news! As a consolation prize, we are giving you an afternoon cleaning out the garage with your wife!"
MHH: "I bet."

Procrastination Update....

2009-12-05T19:43:00.000-08:00

The little shits already ripped their new dog bed. I guess my sewing skills need some work.

Questions and Comments for My Chemistry Classmates

2009-12-05T19:21:00.000-08:00

To the girl in the front row who wears acid-washed capri pants with her socks pulled way up high underneath:

It seems that you do not feel the need to raise your hand before you blurt out a question. Why is that? It is a bit startling to the rest of us when you yell out random observations or questions while the teacher is mid-sentence. Knock that shit off, will you?

To the forty-something who has more Disney sweatshirts than is even reasonable:

Since A) this is a community college, and B) you are a student in this class, I can assume that you do not have more education than our professor, who has a doctorate twice over. Therefore, please stop challenging what she says on an almost a daily basis. She has been teaching for many years, and does not need your help.

To the slightly-smelly female in the side row:

Humming mid-lecture is never acceptable.

To the blonde guy:

Please understand that your classmates might be a little confused when you tell them you went to medical school and are just taking this as a refresher course. You look nineteen, which is way too old for tall tales.

To my lab partner:

I really like you. Really. You are kind and organized in the lab. However, we are not nearly close enough for me to point out that your nipples are out of control. Seriously. Buy a padded bra. Nippage is always distracting, but yours are often pointing in different directions or not in agreement about the temperature of the room. And the size.... it looks like you are smuggling two small stacks of dimes. If we were closer I would break it gently to you over daiquiris.

Procrastination...

2009-12-03T10:05:00.000-08:00

Last night, I sewed the doggy-wogs a new doggy-woggy bed. I also sewed a pair of baby booties for my friend's unborn baby.

Why yes, I do have an Organic Chemistry exam tomorrow. How could you tell?

Random Fears

2009-12-02T15:45:00.000-08:00

I have random fears. Like, unfounded.Here are a sample, for your mocking pleasure:

- Whenever I speak in front of strangers, like in a presentation or an interview, I am afraid that I will vomit. I have never vomited in a situation like that, but still, the thought will pop into my head and I will have a hard time focusing.

- Im scared of hyenas and scorpions. So much so that if someone talks about them, it makes me nervous. It should be noted that I do not live in an area that has either. (We do have a roaming buffalo in the area, but that doesnt scare me.)

- I have a reoccuring dream where I come home to find a red sportscar in the driveway. It belongs to my husband's mistress, who came over to tell us that she is six-months-pregnant. My husband doesnt so much as look at other women, and he dutifully averts his eyes when Victoria's Secret commercials come on. (By the way... I know Victoria's Secret--it's a talented surgeon.)

Gift Ideas for Ladies

2009-12-02T08:29:00.000-08:00

For the hostess: The Celebrate cookbook by Sheila Lukins. It gives great hostessing and recipes for every occasion throughout the year. It is a personal favorite.

For the Woman who has Everything: Five nesting Lotus bowls by WhitneySmith on etsy. I cannot get over how lovely these are.

For the Wordsmith: Diamond hardcover book by windyweatherbindery on etsy. A lovely journal makes a very thoughtful gift.

For ladies you hardly know: The Petit Paris Calendar, by littlebrownpen on etsy. Everyone needs a calendar or two, and this one is small enough to display almost anywhere.

Pear altered notebook by zany on etsy. This is such a deal, you can pair it with a really nice pen for a great gift.

Gift Ideas for Kids, Ages 7-12

2009-12-01T11:14:00.000-08:00

Ranger Rick magazine, sold by Amazon.com. Every kid loves to get mail just for them. This is a great magazine full of science and nature activities and articles. (And no advertisements!)

Roger and Hammerstein’s Cinderella movie, sold by Amazon.com. If you have to buy a movie, this might just be the one. It is beautifully done, with great music and lovely costumes.

Melissa and Doug Flower bead set, sold by Amazon.com. I have found that girls in this age group love to make and design things. Bead sets are a great option.

Gifts for Kids, Ages 3-5:

2009-12-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

Dollhouse from Land of Nod. It can be difficult to find a nice, sturdy dollhouse.

Band in a box from Land of Nod. Do not buy this if you do not have a rock-solid relationship with the kid’s parents.

The yellow bounce ball from Lillian Vernon Kids. Yes, it’s plastic, but it promotes fun exercise that can be done in a limited space.

Gifts for Babies and Toddlers

2009-12-01T10:15:00.000-08:00

Has anyone noticed that toy aisles are full of lots of plastic junk? I have ten nieces and nephews, and it is hard to weed through the cheap, flashy items to find gifts that the kids will love, and that I can feel good about giving.

Babies and Toddlers:

Wooden train set, also from Land of Nod. This is a classic gift that boys and girls alike will love.

Alphabet cards from Land of Nod.These are beautifully illustrated, with fun colors.

Sophie the Giraffe from Land of Nod. This is a teething toy that parents can feel good about giving their child. It is made from safe plastics and food-grade dyes. And it squeaks!

Imaginary Holiday Dress-Up

2009-11-30T13:26:00.001-08:00

If we had a little girl, this is what she would be wearing for Christmas at the relatives' house. It's from BabyGap. And for a little boy, these:

Sorry, little biscuits. Mom is kinda preppy.

Thinking and Talking...

2009-11-30T12:56:00.001-08:00

Last night, my husband and I got some major food for thought. We went to visit some friends who have four children and a new puppy, and we stayed for the whole day. Watching other people deal with their kids is always interesting, and always makes me think of how my husband and I will handle our kids.

On the ride home, we chatted about the kids, discipline, parental involvement and structure. It is nice to know that we are on the same page on so many issues when it comes to kids. Im very glad that I am married to a guy that doesnt want to sit back and watch me raise our kids.

Letting a Baby Cry...Opinion Shitstorm

2009-11-27T20:37:00.000-08:00

Today I was reading the blog Heir to Blair, which is fabulously snarky. Love it.

Anyhoo, one of her posts was about how she and a friend of hers were discussing the natural feelings that occur when your child has been screaming for no apparent reason, for hours. You can read that here. It's a refreshingly honest post, and it was great to read all the supportive comments behind it.

Afterwards, I googled "Is it ok to let a baby cry?"

It amazed me how many people out there believe that it is not ok for a baby to cry by itself, ever. There were many comments about how babies only have the one way of communicating, so we should always be right there to listen and comfort them.

Whatever. If a baby is fed, clean, dry, and comfortable, that's about all you can do. Sure, any reasonable person knows that babies need lots of contact and love. That's why God made them so cute--so people would want to pick them up and nuzzle them. But the idea that babies only cry because the caretaker is not doing something right is absolute madness. Some posts out there were downright terrible. No wonder some new parents feel like failures--they have people out there telling them it is never acceptable for their child to be inconsolable.

I think there has to be a healthy understanding that there is a limit to what parents can do to soothe a baby. And once you have exhausted all those options, there is nothing wrong with putting the kid in his crib and taking a shower with some music on. It's all about maintaining your sanity at that point, and that is what is best for the baby.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T20:35:00.000-08:00

Things I am thankful for:
-Health for me and my husband
- My husband
- Great family
- The blessed assurance of heaven

Getting Pretty...Organized

2009-11-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

My husband and I are currently working through Financial Peace University, with Dave Ramsey. If you havent heard of him, he is an uncommon-sense financial advisor. And he kicks your butt a little bit. We are both getting a lot out of the course, and it has inspired me to organize our paperwork and our monthly bills.

Which brings up another issue. I hate our "landing strip" in our home. A "landing strip" is where you routinely drop all your keys, mail, sunglasses, spare change, etc as soon as you walk in the house at the end of the day. It is currently on our kitchen counter, and I hate that I am giving up precious kitchen space for junk mail.

There is a blank piece of wall directly across from our back door, just calling out for a dresser or a bookshelf... and I'm thinking this could be our new landing strip! Since it is right next to our living room and kinda in our dining room, (we have an open floor plan,) everything would have to be functional AND pretty. I have a dresser in storage that needs paint or refinishing. It would be perfect.

And now, to accessorize: I will need one of these wire baskets from thedarlinghouse on etsy for mail dumping.

And one of these platters from CB2 for change and keys.

Although, I shudder to think what Dave Ramsey would say if he heard I was planning on buying new stuff so I could get my bills organized, to save money. He would probably tell me to sell my car.

Floating Shelf

2009-11-24T09:49:00.000-08:00

I think that I would like a shelf or two like this above my nightstand. They are cheap, functional and attractive. Come January, I am going to start a series called The Weekend Project, where I tackle a small project every week. I have a list a mile long of things to do!

Men and Chairs.... I Look For the Same Qualities

2009-11-24T09:09:00.000-08:00

Our dining room chairs are a death-trap. We thought we might be hosting Thanksgiving this year, so a week or so ago I trotted on down to our local IKEA to buy some replacements. (As IKEA is the only thing in our budget at the moment.)

I couldn't bring myself to buy the chairs that I had picked out online. They just looked so.... cheap. I'll tell you what I want...(what I really, really want)... six of these:

Aren't they just lovely? I love things that are sturdy AND beautiful. (Hi honey!) These chairs look like they will be around for the next fifty years, too. Tolix has a great reputation. And, I love the fact that no matter what gets spilled on them, you can just wipe it right up. No harm, no foul.

Nevers and Always

2009-11-23T18:22:00.000-08:00

These are so I can document how much I change if I ever become a parent:

- I dont want my kids to be spoiled. I want them to be happy with crayons and a new coloring book for Christmas when they are little.

- I dont want my kids to have 'stupid' toys. If it has a battery, lights and bright plastic, I dont want it in the house. I want my kids to play with books, puzzles, wood blocks and cloth dolls.

- My kids will not hit the dogs and get away with it. I hate it when parents let their children pull animals' tails and ears and play it off like it's cute. It's not cute. And I dont blame Fido for yelping and nipping at them.

- I will not let me kids bump into or push strangers without either me or the kid apologizing for their actions. Kids do not exist in a vacuum. Just because you think your kid is adorable while running through the grocery store/library/restaurant doesnt mean everyone else does.

- I will spank my kids if I think it is best for them. (Shocked, arent you? Im ok with that.)

- I am going to be a f-ing mother bear when it comes to my kids. If someone thinks they know better for my kids, or tries to undermine my or my husband's authority with them... so help me...my blood pressure rises just thinking about it.

- The kids do not rule the house. They do not rule the marriage. They dont. The best thing a man can do for his kids is to love their mother. The best thing a woman can do for her kids is to love their father. The marriage has to be able to last after the kids are out of the house.

- My kids will not have the luxury of being picky eaters. If they get hungry enough, they will eat. Im not talking about allergies, here. My parents never gave us the option of being picky, and it never occurred to us kids that we had the choice. If children are starving in Africa, my kid shouldnt be able to whine about not liking tuna casserole.

- On the same note... I get to pick out what my kids wear, to an extent. My Mom picked out my clothes until I was eight or so. And then, she didnt let me argue with her at the store. She picked it out, and I put it on. I have no problems with kids having CHOICES between outfits, but if they aren't buying it, they dont have much say in what those choices are, now do they?

- Furniture is not a trampoline or a punching bag. Get your freaking feet off the sofa.

Blessed Ignorance

2009-11-23T18:08:00.000-08:00

So, I read blogs. Blogs about lots of things, including Mom blogs.

Here's the thing... (dont hate me for saying this out loud...) Can it really be THAT hard? (I can sense that the future me is going to want to kick present me's ass someday.)

I used to babysit all the time, and it wasnt that hard. You cook, clean, play with them, put them down for a nap and listen to them cry for awhile. I babysat babies, toddlers and kids for years. It wasnt that difficult. I dealt with poo, vomit, pee, blood, boogers, snot and bruises. I have gotten cat food out of a baby's mouth and been bitten in the process, dealt with an explosive diaper, (that kid got a bath), and built a fort out of couch pillows to keep a kid contained during their nap.

So, (again forgive me,) when I hear that a Mom cant find time to take a shower for two days, my initial reaction is to scoff a little bit. My initial reaction is to say... well, they must be doing it WRONG.

I am fully aware that this position is based on woeful ignorance of actually being a parent, but isnt parenting just very, very long-term babysitting, with way more responsibility and love? Is it just harder because you care more? To me, if you need to take a shower, you take a shower. You strap the kid in their bouncy chair and bring them into the bathroom with you. Or you plop the little booger in the crib. Fifteen minutes of irritation or boredom wont kill it.

That would work....right??

Things that Irritate Me...

2009-11-23T18:02:00.000-08:00

I hate it when radio stations spend a lot of time talking about how many songs they play. On my local station, it sounds something like this:

"Hey, it's Marco in the morning! Our eighteen songs in a row is coming right up! Don't touch that dial!"
COMMERCIAL
"Hey, it's Marco! Eighteen in a row starts right now!"
SONG
"That was Black Eyed Peas! Number one in our eighteen songs in a row!"
SONG
"And there's Lady GaGa. Stay tuned for more of our eighteen songs in a row!"
SONG
"This is YTPLU, your eighteen songs in a row station!"
SONG
"Hey, it's Marco! That was Alicia Keys. We're in the middle of eighteen songs in a row!"
AND SO ON AND SO FORTH

I swear, they could be a TWENTY in a row station in the same amount of time if they would stop all the yapping.

Yes, Please....

2009-11-23T17:57:00.000-08:00

What is the Point?

2009-11-23T17:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I really want an intercom system on my car. You know, one of those things that will broadcast your voice over a loudspeaker attached to the outside of your car?

The other day, this is what I would have broadcast on the freeway: "Excuse me? Mr. Porsche? What is the point of having that vehicle if you dont know how to drive it? I mean, come on. At least go the speed limit. Or have the courtesy to get out of the fast lane."

As I passed him on the right, I saw that it was some old dude driving. Wearing a leather jacket, no less. Um, mid-life crisis, anyone? That guy owning that car is the equivilant of those odd couples you see in Vegas, where the man is eighty-three and the chick is maybe twenty-five. Sure you got it, sir... but what the heck is the point if you can't DO anything with it?

Nasty People (at Starbucks) Part Three...

2009-11-23T17:38:00.000-08:00

Im starting to think that God is trying to cure me of my morning coffee addiction. Either that, or I need to go find a new Starbucks.

There are some times that I have to mentally talk myself through not hitting someone because their proximity has activated my flight or fight response. I mean, I hate it when people refuse to stand behind you in line--they stand next to you instead. I want to turn to them and say, "No, we are not here together. Step BACK."

This morning, I was literally sneezed on. Yes, SNEEZED on. This chick was SO close to me it was nasty before the sneeze. She was clearing her throat and I swear I could hear the phlegm rattling in there. Then, she sneezed, ON ME and said, "Oh, bless me."

BLESS you? Girl, you are lucky I have the love of Jesus in my H-E-A-R-T.

Questions to Ask Before Having a Baby

2009-11-16T15:54:00.000-08:00

Ah, yes. The madness continues unabated.

I read an article on TheBump.com about questions you should ask youself before having a baby. I thought I would answer them here, for your viewing amusement:

1. How many kids do we envision having?

I dont know about my husband, but I think that three would be just about perfect. I came from a family with three kids, and I like the dynamic. Two kids is too few, four kids might be too much. Five is WAY too many.

2. How old is too old to have a baby?

I want to have my first kid before I even turn 29. Holy crap, we need to get crackin'.

3. And how old is too old to have kids in the house?

Can I kick them out before they hit 13?

4. If we got pregnant next month, what would we think? Yay? Yikes??

How about "Yaykes"?

5. Are there things we desperately want to do or accomplish before becoming a trio?

I want to stay home with the babies until they are six months old at least. So, we need to be saving for that. And, I would at least like to be into nursing school when I get pregnant.

6. Who's the first person we'd tell?

I would want to tell my Mom and Dad first, after I passed the first trimester. Then, I would want to tell my sister, and my sister in law. Then, I would want to wait until after the second trimester, and tell everyone else. That way, people have waaaay less time to ask me about the goings on of my uterus. Living hours away from all family has it's benefits sometimes.

7. What lifestyle changes will we need to make when we become parents?

This is the one that I am concerned about. I like driving fast with my music loud and ordering pizza and not folding laundry and sleeping in. Ah, how I love sleep. I also like cussing at people while driving. It calms me down. What if I have to give all that up? What if I stop being me? I dont want to change so much that I dont recognize myself in the mirror.

8. Do daddies (or mommies) do diapers?

Since we are planning on using cloth diapers, I know that I will be the one doing the diaper laundry. But we will both change the diapers. This is only fair. I hate it when I hear stories of Dads waiting until the Mom gets home, so she can change the diaper. Some people think that is hilarious. I think that is selfish bullshit. What about that poor little bumkin who is sitting in his own poo for the extra half an hour? If it is that messy, stick him in the bath and rinse him off. Easy, peasy.

9. Who's going to take care of the kids?

Um, this question confuses me. Obviously, the parents will, right? I mean... is this question referring to daycare? If that is the case, I hope that my Mom moves up near me. If not, I will look into having one of my friends, (a very experienced mother) watch them once or twice a week.

10. What's our response when people ask about baby plans?

I tell them we aren't ready. I still might be saying that when I am eight months pregnant.

Little Changes for a Little One

2009-11-16T15:28:00.000-08:00

So, I cant make all the changes neccessary for having a baby right now, but I can make some of them:

-I have switched us over to Charlie's Soap, a non-toxic, environmentally responsible soap that is safe for babies. I figure, by the time the kid gets here, everything in the house will have been washed at least once with the stuff.

- We are getting a gun safe of some kind in the near future. VERY important, since my husband is a hunter and gun enthusiast. Those suckers will be locked up so tight... We are already responsible gun owners, but there have not been any children under the age of 13 in our house, and that was just the one time. We need to start looking at the house from a different angle.

- We're pulling the big goalie, and switching to rubber ones. I have read that it can take up to a year to return to full fertility after removing an IUD, so I have my appointment in a couple of weeks.

- Getting the house/yard/body cleaned up. We have some SERIOUS work to do on this one. Our yard looks like no one has done anything with it in a year. (Oh, I suppose that's true. Full time work and school will do that, I guess.)

It's not much, but it is all I can control. That, and adding more folic acid to my diet.

Impatience and Planning and Control

2009-11-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

Warning: This is a very disjointed post, and it is a tad depressing.

I have a problem with patience. I hardly have any. And I have a problem with not having a plan. For the last year, I have had focus. I have been getting all my pre-reqs done for nursing school. But now, the semester is closing, and all my pre-reqs will be done. So I have to just wait. And I dont like waiting. I like a plan, a list, and no unknowns.

I have no idea how this is all going to work out. If I get into nursing school for the fall, the decision will be easy. I will go through school and then have kids. But what if I dont get in for the fall? Or the next spring? How long will I wait to get into nursing school before having babies? I'm freaking out a bit. My birthday is around this time, and I will turn a number that ushers me into a new era, a bit. The OFFICIAL late twenties. And, according to some experts, the age when your fertility starts to decline.

I know that we "cant" afford to have kids right now. It is scary just to think about it. But according to some people, no one can really afford to have kids. And I want to stay home with ours, which makes it even more difficult. I dont think it is fair to dump all that reponsibility on my husband, either.

It is such a crappy balancing act. How long should we wait? What if, in three years, we can afford to have kids, but I'm now infertile? What if we have a baby and really can't afford it?

And most confusing of all, why does this suddenly matter to me? It's like I came around the corner of this year, saw this birthday looming, and now I want a baby. And I'm so not ready for a baby. I have a crapload of things to do before it's even possible. Finances, weight, getting the house ready, finishing a bunch of projects, figuring out a support system, my career, my husband's health, the yard, getting on the same page with my husband. So I guess the question is, how can I be ready when Im SO NOT ready??

I'm trying to fight these feelings off. I would rather not have these wants when there is nothing I can do about it. There are so many things out of my control. Frankly, Im a tad miserable right now. It is hard to keep working towards things that you have no control over.

I have no control whether I get into school this time around. It is a lottery system, pretty much. And I have no control over when or if my husband feels ready for kids. Getting our house refinanced would really help with the finances aspect, but I have no control over whether that will happen. I have no control over whether we meet some good people up here and make friends, (we've been trying for like four years.... it's like quadruple blind dating.) My one Christian friend is moving away in a month.

It is a frustrating feeling, this impotence. Like, nothing I want in my life matters. It doesn't matter that I want this or that. Why should I have to feel these feelings, when I can't do jack shit about it? Yes, I am having a pity party. But it's my birthday, and I'll cry if I want to. Happy freaking birthday! Your eggs are dying!

Nasty People, Part Two

2009-11-10T08:52:00.000-08:00

What is it with me and Starbucks? I meet the NICEST people there. (That was my sarcastic voice, in case you couldn't tell.) This morning, this couple was standing there chatting while an obviously new barista was making our coffees. (Is it still called a barista if it is male?) The man who was waiting started sighing deeply, and put his hand on his hip. "What is taking so long?" He says to his companion. "It never takes this long."

He then LEANS over the bar area in an attempt to see what the poor barista-guy is doing. The customer looks at me and says all huffy, "What is he DOING back there?" loud enough for everyone to hear. I looked the dood right back in the eye and said clearly, "He's working." I swear, the guy looked like he had just sucked on a lemon. His lips pursed up real tight and he turned his back to me.

In short, it was awesome. I walked out wishing I had been even more clear. I wish that I had said, "Oh, sir. The barista obviously isn't aware of how important your time is. He must not know who you are." I mean, seriously. Who is so freaking busy that they don't have the time to wait a minute longer for their latte? If you have the time to go to Starbucks, you have the time to WAIT at Starbucks. And the barista was obviously new. Have some freaking compassion, dude.

People really piss me off sometimes.

Things I Hope For My Children

2009-11-05T10:43:00.000-08:00

1. I hope my kids aren't TOO attractive. Don't get me wrong... I don't want my kids to be hideous. But I certainly do not want them to be so pretty or handsome that they do not have to develop character, personality and a sense of humor. In my experience, super-gorgeous people usually grow up with a sense of entitlement and arrogance. No freaking thank-you.

2. If they are girls, I hope they get my hair texture. (No offense, honey.) But if they get my husband's hair texture, we are in for a LARGE hair products/straightening-iron bill every month.

3. I hope they are smart. Smart about people, money, politics, and their family.

4. I hope they aren't shy and timid and prim and delicate. I have interacted with those kind of babies/toddlers/kids and always found it highly distasteful. I once babysat a baby who didn't really cry, he just kinda whimpered. I was always like, "If you're going to cry, you might as well scream, dammit! Buck up!" I hope my kids throw themselves into life with wild abandon; scraped knees, grass stains and broken arms be damned.

5. More than any of these, I hope they grow up and love Jesus like crazy. I hope He is the center of their lives from an early age, all the way up until they pass away.

Things That Make My Blood Pressure Skyrocket

2009-11-05T10:35:00.000-08:00

I work in a building that is zoned industrial. Right now, the people next door are making good use of that zoning by REPEATEDLY HITTING THE SIDE OF A METAL BOX TRUCK WITH A HAMMER FOR NO APPARENT REASON. It has been going on for I-shit-you-not at least 15 minutes.

This has an extraordinary effect on my blood pressure. After about 2 minutes of this madness, I opened the door with a super-glarey look on my face, and it was all I could do to not scream, "What the FUCK are you DOING?!?" at them. They obviously did not see my glares, and since the noise was a lot louder with the door open, I went and sat back down at my desk... fuming. I put on some Chopin and turned it up, and that really, really helped.

Maybe this is good practice for when there is a squalling baby in the house?

Nasty People, Part One in an Infinite Series...

2009-11-03T11:30:00.000-08:00

So, I was standing in line at Starchuckles this morning, and a white-trashish dood and his wife were in front of me, with their two children. While his wife was ordering, the dood steps behind her, grabs her hips, and proceeds to rub his crotch in a back-and-forth then up-and-down motion on her posterior. This was neither subtle, nor sexy. It was kinda like he had an itch, and thought he would be best served to scratch it on her ass. She turned and they smiled at each other, and I threw up a little in my mouth.

As I was leaving the store, I thanked God again for whom I am married to.

Ladies That Sew

2009-11-03T10:50:00.001-08:00

I am thinking of starting a girls' sewing night. I have no idea who would come to it. I only know two friends that sew, but I figure they might know other ladies that sew, too. It would be kinda like an open house for girls who want to get together, mingle and wow each other with their mad bobbin skills. With snacks, sans kids. Fun, right?

Oh, What a Weekend It Will Be...

2009-10-29T15:25:00.000-07:00

I have three, count them, THREE exams in the next five days. One on Saturday morning, that I am so not looking forward to, one on Monday, and yet another on Tuesday. Looks like my husband and I will not be eating home-cooked meals this weekend after all. Sorry, honey.

'N' is For Nursery....

2009-10-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

Since we're here, let's rummage a little deeper into the crazy trunk, shall we? Below is the nursery I have been thinking of in my head for the past few weeks. Is it just me, or does it kind of look like a circus threw up in there? Don't matter. I still love it.

Sources:
- Crib, Rugs, Rocking Moose, Table and Chairs: IKEA
- Light Fixture: Anthropologie
- Book Rack, Hippo and Giraffe: Pottery Barn Kids
- Blue Tub: Land of Nod
- Sheets and Blanket: Target
- Flag Bunting: Sweet and Light on Etsy